It's okay to look back, briefly.

We've had a vast array of experiences since setting foot in Southern California, many of which I would not need to relive. But I do not regret things either, because I am a better person for it. Too many times I think we move through life trying to forget things we should remind ourselves of......

I'm told folks of all kinds flocked here 30+ years ago, to a place that held freedoms, fun, and futures..... the CA of yesteryear perhaps. It seems as a way of escaping everyday life, loss, and past loves, a "paradise" of sorts was created, yet the intrusion into personal lives, locally and on the state level is astounding. I could write a book, lol.

I honestly did not realize the amount of freedoms afforded on the East Coast. My eyes have been opened. We come from a land very unique; real estate is affordable and where dreams can be discovered.
An area where my sons can shoot basketball with friends for fun, have a pool party, throw football with family/friends, make some noise, listen to music, drive a car easily, and freely play with pets. Most important, you know who your "friends" are. and who you can call on........

Chynna has begun her online Personal Training course to become certified; this plan aligns nicely with her desires as a coach, player and for our purposes. She already has had a few "clients", lol. I told her she can continue to whip me into shape:)

Only two weeks after my core fitness class ended, I've done the workouts on my own, and seemed to have "hurt" myself ha ha. I'm the kind of person that needs a trainer! With a few minor injuries, I may be signing up for the next course, starting next week.

I set aside the time from May through September for a very specific purpose, and as I look back over these months, I can see pieces of our purpose unfolding. It's okay to reflect and look back on where you were to where you currently are; however, that doesn't mean the move ends.

I don't want to be a "pillar of salt", a "preservative" left in a pile that just 
sits there, as told in the story of Lot's wife.

This is only just the beginning......

Uncovering hidden treasures.

I imagine Paul, the Apostle, was quite a charismatic man and persuasive for sure. We know that early in his life he was passionate and misguided, and as a result, many paid for his "mistakes." Lives of good men were lost.... taken, really. There was heartache and pain, which had to leave many good people asking the question, "why."

It was during a certain season in his life, however, that he had an encounter on a road called Damascus. The time came when God in heaven decidedhe could not let Saul (later Paul) continue on as he had been. The thing he had found fulfillment in for many years was now being challenged........

I think much of life can be lived in such a way where we can go on and do the same thing daily, unless challenged to change.... something, even just one thing. I find I have fewer and fewer excuses since my loss...... most times the control is in my hands, but the will to follow through is weak.......

We can be on the worst path possible but refuse to change a thing because of ignorance or obstinance. I have seen the paths to self destruction, or deception, all too clearly, as many make themselves vulnerable and open up to me. "Life can be lived either way, but for me, I'd rather try and fail, than never try at all." (source unknown)

Our local HS closes down for the Jewish holiday, so Logan has off the next few days. Beach practice continues, with a chance to lift at The Yard in Hermosa Beach, where famous athletes train. Austin's fighting a cold but was able to turn on his charm and got hired for a second job today! Another job serving at a local restaurant:)

Chynna has plans to expand her "business" in the coming days, so more details to come. And Jordan is once again "house hunting" or looking to sublet a room which is getting a bit old now. Housing and real estate really sucks here, in spite of what you may hear. Great for profiteers, bad for common people..........

And for me, "my purpose is that you are encouraged in heart, united in love, so that you may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order to know the mystery of God.... in whom are hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge......" Colossian 2:2

I am making this my growing mission. Imagine the possibilities....... watch for more of my blog, coming soon.....

Memories aren't about the past.

In chatting with a coworker Friday on her upcoming vacation, I discovered her family is making a trip to the East Coast. While asking her questions on their itinerary, I could feel my heart leap when she talked of the Liberty Bell, Philly cheesesteaks, Whoopie Pies,the Liberty Bell, and our rich history.

Until coming so far from where we began, I did not realize how strong and deep our connections were....... and are. They are electric, exciting, and...... energizing. Had we not arrived in the South Bay, that realization may never have happened.

Logan and I spent another half day at Dockweiler Beach, as he competed on the Redondo Beach team; having his sis along was a treat:) Their team had a very successful day as we are midway through this season now, and one full year on the beach as a player under his belt.... or boardshorts 

This 17 year old's schedule primarily consists of training, conditioning, beach play, schoolwork, and an occasional video game. Not the norm. Driving is at a minimum until age 18 for a variety of reasons I won't bore you with, but the lifestyle is so different anyway. Waiting to drive around here is not a big deal...........

Perhaps I'm used to a faster paced lifestyle than the norm, but most days I get more thrills out of managing my rentals than making lunch plans. I know a few were concerned that being in SoCal would "change" me, but not a chance. If there are any differences, they are for the better... I am more determined than ever...........

I'm not for living in the past but I am drawing strength from my memories. If you can't feel, what's the point..... memories aren't just about the past, they can change your future. A few thoughts I have from lines in the movie "The Giver", I saw last night with my 3 kids, a rare occurrence.

I came away, knowing what I must do next.................. Cross Over.

Water is life.

For anyone who knew my late husband, you probably remember him to be filled with boundless energy. He went hard until he dropped, literally, into bed, at night. That was really the only thing that slowed him down. I wondered how he could do it; something had to energize him.

I've pretty much dropped into my bed this week, zapped of energy, not from working "hard", but feeling drained......

Because of the magnitude of our loss, I find myself less tolerant of wasting time, and more conscious of the time I spend on people, places, or things. I know I don't want to feel drained for nothing. I want to feel energized, and this is supposed to be a creative place........

Truth is, the creativity flows when there's LIFE. "In the beginning God 'created'...." He began with something that was empty, and dark, and had no form or shape, but the Spirit hovered over the waters and thus it all began. When there is no 'water", there is no LIFE........

After a full year, we have now experienced every season in SoCal. and there is little that changes here overall. Big surprise to me. With most everything remaining the same, you would never know there is "change" upon the country elsewhere.

Holidays are less festive and easily forgotten without a seasonal change. It's crazy. The atmosphere, environment and surroundings really do create the overall feel of celebration, creation, and declaration or not.

Jordan returns from a corporate gathering held in Las Vegas early in the week. A highlight of the week was a helicopter ride to see the Grand Canyon, hence the picture below:) To say he was treated well is an understatement. He continues to stand out and be recognized as a leader, creator, and designer in his field. I continue to be very impressed........ and grateful.

We all continue to grow here, in His favor, grace, obedience and love. Lord willing, we will create with imagination and abounding energy..... from the life we have been given.

"Salvation spring up from the ground."

Facades, Finesse, and Feelings.

Funny the facade anyone can portray at any given time, through pics and purposeful words. I think for some, it comes natural; for others, there is a finesse. I've purposely never been good at it.......... and now, intentionally so. Let's be real.

I'll share a text with you that took place between one of my children and myself today............ and a window into the soul of this state:

"I feel numb and hardened here...... by the move and all the work I've handled, people I've met; it takes a conscious effort for me to feel.........." 
"You can't put feeling into most anyone or anything here without getting hurt so you just learn not to feel. The things and ones you really love bring it back......"

Tonight Logan signed the Letter of Commitment required by Southern Cal VB Association to play for the club, Manhattan Beach Surf or "MB Surf." With this move, come hard changes; his former team and parents made magic together. A few lifelong friends for Logan. We now see what lies ahead..........

September is a month of transition for me, as I move from my summer of finding and focusing on myself, to incorporating those freedoms into my everyday life. I even bought an exercise ball and band to use at home for my core:) Most of all, it's my mental game that's being strengthened........

As I pursue a writing career, more changes, disciplines and adjustments will be happening. I will keep you posted on the progress of my blog. The plans to expand the network is well underway. No matter the pressures, I am not giving up........digging my heels in yet again.

I know we now hug a bit harder, hold on a little longer, and love a lot larger now, and in our future, and as we find those we are meant to "love." 
Sharing a song with you tonight that speaks to my heart... now. Click the link and listen. Goodnight.

Refined by fire.

Whenever a dream is dreamed or a vision unfolds, there is always an "enemy" that will challenge it. Whatever the "enemy" is, I find it is usually connected to feeling a lack of something....... time, money, confidence, commitment, or faith. The list is unending.

Relating to a vision or dream, there WILL be a testing period, to see the level or lengths you will go to, to make things happen. There is a fine line to making things happen myself and/or trusting in the goodness of God. Even though I do everything I can do to be found faithful and to do my part, I have found His favor to be far better.......

Today Jordan and company headed to Lake Tahoe, to participate in a bike ride, at least 50 miles. His company pays for his participation in the trip as a "health benefit." My skinny Jordan is becoming quite buff:) He'll be back to work early next week; it's a quick trip.

Chynna's Vista Mar Girls JV team won their first match of the season Friday night, and she was very pleased:) Her hopes of giving private VB lessons and personal training continues to grow. Today she took Janelle Turner paddle boarding for the first time since moving here:)

We are thrilled that Austin finally has a bed and he was able to deflate the air mattress. It's actually a queen size with box spring he found out for trash, but in great condition:) Little by little, the styrofoam coolers he was using have been moved out of his BR. Now, I'm using them for storage....

Logan and I are being schooled in the Southern CA Club VB scene, second year in. It's kind of like a meat market, depending what club tryout you're at. You can feel the vibe and it's rough. Logan's maturity level allows him to handle the process well. He's had several offers come in from clubs he's only dreamt of playing with when living back east....................

The tests we've been through reveal character, cockiness, confidence or criteria; the internal is always revealed externally. I'm told there is a "goodness" we have brought to SoCal...... I know that cannot and will not change........ no matter the present culture.

Your support and love means the world to me; I don't know if I can truly convey how much you help get me through and motivate me...... Honest to God, I would never be able to do this. We have big plans and my ideas continue to flow......

It's time to get some new plans and make it happen......

Dare you to move.

Remaining true to who I am, at my core, is proving to be some of the hardest and most diligent work I have ever done. Just as the land is dried out, even more so the heart and character of its inhabitants here ........ there is neither. And that my friend Dave, makes me angry...... people think this is normal.

No matter where one turns, there is a person who will speak pleasant words to your face, and proceed to stab you in the back. There is no love lost here; no trust established anywhere, and nothing substantial to put your faith in........ but can these "dry bones live again?" We will see.........

Fortunately, we are sensitive to the leading of the will of the Lord in heaven, and follow it as best we can. On this 4th day of Sept, 34 months after our loss, our faith lies squarely in the One who will not go back on His word, nor break faith or trust with us........ we have substance to hold onto.

My core is strong and this poisonous experience will not change who we are on the inside. If anything, it will make us just a little bit better:) After all, VB is therapy; it is not LIFE. We continue to be an enigma.

Club VB tryouts have begun, starting tonight and going through the weekend. Second year in, it's a whole new animal. I'm so impressed with my youngest, fiercely competitive and facing guys on the opposing team one day, but embracing each as fellow teammates the next. It is an amazing testament to his character and adults could take a serious lesson.

I continue to work out practical routines with Austin, as he's in full swing at El Camino Community College. He's chosen to set VB aside to focus on studies and soccer perhaps. He's trying to "find himself", while looking for a second job and searching for scholarships. So much responsibility falls to me........

Logan and i regularly talk about the atmosphere here, the desire for "refreshing" in this very dry climate, and the options we continue to have. We're in it together; neither of us are going to give up..... yet.

"I Dare You To Move." Switchfoot lyrics

Seasons in SoCal.

i learned today there are 3 seasons taking place in a 90 day period in Southern California - Summer, Fall, and Winter. I wondered how change can come so quickly in our journeys in life, and would I recognize its familiar feel. This "territory" is so new to me, still..............

It may surprise you to learn that change is resisted in SoCal as much as anywhere else in the country, and hardly what is portrayed. Another facade deconstructed.

Jordan was interviewed by an ABC 7 News crew Tuesday, as he, Chynna, and Janelle Turner made their way to the new Dunkin Donuts opening in Santa Monica:) Everyday brings about new encounters with locals, loonies, and those looking for anything but "love." That is the one thing missing.....

Today it felt as though I had something in my eyes, like irritants that did not allow me to see clearly and something I could not just rub away. After finally washing my eyes out in the evening, my vision became better. When I remove the irritants or "filters", I can see things for what they are..... and this demands a response.

It's become very clear to me that I need a new plan. I'm putting in 60+ hours a week with everything I'm giving time too, and that's not a social life or book writing. I have several "part time jobs" to make this all work, while keeping family members motivated and focused.

I find myself feeling more angry, as the actions of others always seem to impact my life.......... Logan and I are on parallel journeys.

I know the tide is turning; it's just a matter of riding out this current wave.

Dreaming.

For so many years, I have carried dreams.... in my heart, soul, mind and spirit. Over time, I pondered them, wondering if there would ever be a time of fulfillment. Things I want to do, places I want to go, ways I've wanted to reach out but have only ever known limits........

These dreams never died, even in the light of the death all around us. My circumstances have always seemed to dictate my direction in life, but I have always fought against the tide.. Days I feel as if I'm drowning, I am never completely overcome. I can't be.

There are times when I feel I could be carried away in despair, if I let myself be, particularly when life spins out of control. For you, It may be health, wealth, childbearing or child rearing, the struggles are real; the need for direction, desperate.... especially in these days.

Sometimes it's as easy as knowing where to go for help..... who to go to for help..... and most importantly, who has the answers you need, at the right time and the right season in your life. Don't hesitate to ask......... the limits are coming off.........

Today felt like a day from hell as one thing after the other happened. The first bus did not show up for Austin, so he biked to the next stop to catch it for his first day of school. Thankfully, he had a great first day and will be back at it tomorrow, which will include VB conditioning with the club team:)

I took Logan to get his CA Driver's License only to again be told we are missing a required item, which we had not been informed of. And of course, there's a large fee required in order for him to take the test. I was livid and have gotten very vocal and expressing the ridiculousness in all the hoops needed to jump through to get something simple done.

Never expected this from such a "progressive" place. To many, it is normal life. Many I meet in SoCal try to convince me of the wonderful place we live in here and yet, I'm finding them to be some of the most miserable people I have ever met in my life. I am getting a hard edge......... which I need.

Flowers brightened my day at the office, as my friend John now sends me them on a weekly basis. He knows I need it, ha ha. Seriously, I have never been treated so well, ever. 
So much is happening I can hardly keep up, but is right on time....... 

Don't ever stop dreaming.......

Vanity or Valor.

Coming into an area and state that seems to "have it all," one would not expect there to be so many needs. The "needy" are not always the impoverished and in the streets.................

As challenging as it is, I've chosen to immerse myself in the culture, to learn and become "educated" in the culture. A certain portrayal of a lifestyle is on daily display; beauty, butt cheeks, cracks, bosoms, and vain imaginations are all exposed to me, and much more. I learn from lifestyles.

King Naaman, from ancient days, was afflicted with leprosy and was sent to a certain prophet for guidance on how to get rid of it. He was told to go nearby into the Jordan River and dip himself in the water; there he would find what he needed at the time to help.

He wrestled with this concept, wondering how he could possibly benefit from this experience..... this idea was beyond his comprehension; how could something good come from a dirty, unfamiliar place. 
What he had to do ultimately, was to "immerse" himself in a place that was so unlike who he was........ but that place contained what he needed to prosper. We are doing the same. God help us.

After some shake ups, Austin is finally starting at the local community college tomorrow! His schedule will be full with school and working 1-2 jobs, and club VB. He now bikes everywhere because of our 2 car situation and is not an easy thing in this setting since we're not in a city.

Another weekend of beach VB keeps me sane, quite honestly. Logan and partner went 2-2, continuing to improve. Lots to think about going forward.... new strategies and plans to put in place to get where he wants to go. It's time to dig in deeper. School begins Wednesday for him.

There are shakes and quakes all around the globe, with quite a few happening here in California. Perhaps there are some things that need a bit of shaking up.
Let everything that can be shaken loose, be. It is then that we find out what we are really made of. Vanity or Valor.

Rewards.

It's official. One year has now passed since Chynna, Logan, and myself ventured west to settle in this strange and unusual land. As I look back on the year, it is quite amazing on so many levels. After one year, I have a pretty good handle on how this territory operates.......

I can honestly say the good and bad have made their presence known, much like the parable of the wheat and the weeds in the book of Matthew. They grow together here and it is very difficult to see the difference between the two. It takes every ounce of strength to pull out the good....... but that, we must to focus on.

Tomorrow begins the HS beach season for Logan and team. As you may recall, he was fortunate enough to join the first ever beach league last year, after being here a week. This year, he's on the Varsity team, and ranked with his partner as top team for this week. That may change, but hope not 

My daughter, who struggled in the early weeks after settling, now has 3 positions coaching in the South Bay and is fast becoming a libero. She had to be willing to lay down her dream, her hopes for a future in the sport, much like Abraham was asked to do. God asked him to sacrifice the most beloved thing in his life, his son, his future; but, at the last minute, there was an alternative offered.

As Chynna began to embrace the potential sacrifice asked of her, the most important thing in her life, God intervened. He gave her back what she loved the most. I know how scary it is to be willing to die to your dreams and not know what is ahead. However, I've come to learn obedience is far better than sacrifice.

As one of my sons said today, we focus so much on the sacrifice and what may be asked, rather than thinking of the rewards to come. I'm not talking about eternal rewards, I'm speaking of meaning and "wealth" in this life that comes in various forms. This belief is why I do what I do.........

I have laid down many relationships, things I love, and don't want to do without but I am reaping the rewards...... and will have far more than I can imagine.