Who I am at my core can most often be reflected in the waves of life that toss me to and fro, creating a climate in which I will strive or thrive. Either I find a flow or am taken out with the tide..... Nothing has ever pulled me in so deep quite like SoCal........ can I come up for air now?

As I walk the strand at the beach or local streets, there are few who say "hello" or flash a friendly smile. It is so unlike the warm sunshine felt on the skin and the person I have wanted to be....... myself. After 15 months, this "cool climate" on a 90 degree November day, has gotten very stale.

For now, I see seasons in terms of school sessions, college years, and graduations and somehow I fit my own future in there:) Making college connections for Logan can be a part time job, and choosing options for Austin's future is time consuming.

To help bring the "Spirit" to SoCal, Logan's begun listening to Christmas music and tuning into holiday related shows:) He was always the one who made the seasons more festive, fun and celebratory back home and has tried here too.

I continue wrapping up rental business this week, that's weighed on me for a while. Ironically things seem to run more smoothly for me there. My budget is shot to hell but trusting for a turn around and to no longer be overwhelmed by it:)

Within this community, there has been an honesty that has risen from a tragedy. It is a gift to humanity and one that keeps on giving................ Love and Life.

The countdown to "Christmas" is on.

Remaining true to who I am, at my core, is proving to be some of the hardest and most diligent work I have ever done. Just as the land is dried out, even more so the heart and character of its inhabitants here ........ there is neither. And that my friend Dave, makes me angry...... people think this is normal.

No matter where one turns, there is a person who will speak pleasant words to your face, and proceed to stab you in the back. There is no love lost here; no trust established anywhere, and nothing substantial to put your faith in........ but can these "dry bones live again?" We will see.........

Fortunately, we are sensitive to the leading of the will of the Lord in heaven, and follow it as best we can. On this 4th day of Sept, 34 months after our loss, our faith lies squarely in the One who will not go back on His word, nor break faith or trust with us........ we have substance to hold onto.

My core is strong and this poisonous experience will not change who we are on the inside. If anything, it will make us just a little bit better:) After all, VB is therapy; it is not LIFE. We continue to be an enigma.

Club VB tryouts have begun, starting tonight and going through the weekend. Second year in, it's a whole new animal. I'm so impressed with my youngest, fiercely competitive and facing guys on the opposing team one day, but embracing each as fellow teammates the next. It is an amazing testament to his character and adults could take a serious lesson.

I continue to work out practical routines with Austin, as he's in full swing at El Camino Community College. He's chosen to set VB aside to focus on studies and soccer perhaps. He's trying to "find himself", while looking for a second job and searching for scholarships. So much responsibility falls to me........

Logan and i regularly talk about the atmosphere here, the desire for "refreshing" in this very dry climate, and the options we continue to have. We're in it together; neither of us are going to give up..... yet.

"I Dare You To Move." Switchfoot lyrics