Living in limbo is no fun.

Until a decision is made to move on in life, no matter if you're single, separated, an empty nester or widower, life is in limbo. I am between the two and can become indifferent, with apathy settling in before I can see it. It's as if I'm between "two opinions" and being asked to make a choice.

I have learned that the God I believe in does not change in nature or character; however, his plans can be altered. Paths and courses in life can be determined by my decisions. Until I make one, I am in limbo. I do not like that feeling because I need to put action behind my faith, because that is when I feel alive...........

Austin has begun searching for another job as we've determined he will not be going back to Elco next semester. At times, I know he feels a bit aimless, like many his age and we're trying to weigh out all his options. It can be challenging for me, who wants to see the best possible scenario for him. We are learning how to communicate better which requires a bit more patience on my part. I just have to trust a little bit more.........

It seems Chynna is the one who's been meeting those of "celebrity status" since coming here 15 months ago. The beach coach she's working with also trained Indoor Female VB Olympic player Logan Tom and the US Team as I understand it. She's rubbed elbows yet remains unfazed:)

Redondo Union, as well as other local high schools, have been receiving threats that seem credible this week:/ A police presence has been felt on campus but so far no shutdowns. I do appreciate how proactive the school staff has been, not disregarding any info. So tired of the threats we are facing in our own country..........

Upon moving here, there were concerns that we would get lost here, never to return. It is always with great anticipation that Logan and I plan to return to our home town for the holiday next week, and we're both making as many plans as possible:) I expect an energizing that comes from the East Coast.... which gives life to the rest of the nation.

Yesterday I made a decision which I will share in the coming months and one I've wrestled with for months. This will impact many; however, it will move me, us, from limbo into liberty................

Love and peace.

Three Years.

At this moment in EST, 3 years ago today, my kids and I drove home from a hospital near our home town...... having suddenly witnessed death and been wounded by it. We sat closely in our Toyota Corolla that night, the same vehicle we would later travel cross country in..... both times, we weren't sure if we would make it.........

It was because of this night, 11.4.11, that a stirring began..... and a call we could not run away from. Even in our hardest days here, then and now, there remains a depth of determination that not one of us can deny. This manifests in a variety of ways, and through each of our personalities........

Sometimes I think I see the ways it's impacted one of us more than another.... and then I see I am wrong. We have all been equally affected. What we choose to do with the "situation" requires some kind of motivation, for better or worse.

In the Book of Psalms, chapter 56, David speaks of the difficulties he had at a time in life where it seemed everything was after his happiness. I imagine this left him feeling as if he could hardly handle it all. In verse 8, he describes his belief that my God in heaven collects my tears, in a bottle and a book. He actually knows me......... He remembers you, me, us.......

I wondered if I would ever feel the same emptiness I felt the night of November 4th, and the answer is.... yes. I have. I am changed. I will never be the same. These emotions must serve my future and not aid my past. 
His intervention may not always come in my timetable or in the ways that I would like, but I do know one thing. It will come. He will come.

Three years later, my kids and I are spread out. Logan is at a Redondo Girls VB game with teammates, showing support to the girls on a big night. After hanging onto a Spanish project he had to do for the last two weeks, he chose to complete it today..... and appropriately so.

I leave you with this tonight.....after my tears are recorded, "then my enemies will turn back, when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? For you have delivered me from death, and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of LIFE."

May the Lord be praised.

Investing in Life.

Most days, as we go on in our lives in this new place, we rarely take the time to remind ourselves of where we have come from. There are glimpses, but unless I stop, reflect, and speak the progress out loud, it's easy to forget. There is no one here that remembers..........It is my job to remind.

There are no reference points, no moments in time to refer back to except those that have marked the last 14 months. As we continue to put our faith in the God we believe in, with His Spirit moving us along, we are moving faster than I expected. Time frames are flexible and we remain fluid.........

Since our loss, it seems we are learning faster and more furiously than ever. I have never seen or experienced anything like this; it is inexplicable. Perhaps this is what redemption feels like........ your background, history, choices, or mistakes don't matter. We all are offered a fresh start, at any point. Mine happened to come after a loss.......

We spent part of the day with Logan's HS Beach Team for Redondo in competition. Logan and partner Sean-Michael came up with a big win which will allow them to play in a special Doubles Competition next week. This was a very good day.

This sport brings us back to center, and ironically, keeps us grounded. It serves as a reminder........ the only familiar thing. While some may be self serving in their desires, I hope to use this as a platform.........

Chynna began classes, in preparation for her next phase..... as a personal trainer. We caught a glimpse of this a few years ago, and now with her business degree, coaching opportunities, the time feels right to pursue it. She has a few "followers" already, wanting her training.

Undergoing a transformation often happens during a transition time, between the time of "coming and going." This is definitely not the easiest season to be present in because of the "seed sowing", hard work, gut wrenching decisions, and painful process it takes. But in the end, the harvest will be worth it......

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

Rewards.

It's official. One year has now passed since Chynna, Logan, and myself ventured west to settle in this strange and unusual land. As I look back on the year, it is quite amazing on so many levels. After one year, I have a pretty good handle on how this territory operates.......

I can honestly say the good and bad have made their presence known, much like the parable of the wheat and the weeds in the book of Matthew. They grow together here and it is very difficult to see the difference between the two. It takes every ounce of strength to pull out the good....... but that, we must to focus on.

Tomorrow begins the HS beach season for Logan and team. As you may recall, he was fortunate enough to join the first ever beach league last year, after being here a week. This year, he's on the Varsity team, and ranked with his partner as top team for this week. That may change, but hope not 

My daughter, who struggled in the early weeks after settling, now has 3 positions coaching in the South Bay and is fast becoming a libero. She had to be willing to lay down her dream, her hopes for a future in the sport, much like Abraham was asked to do. God asked him to sacrifice the most beloved thing in his life, his son, his future; but, at the last minute, there was an alternative offered.

As Chynna began to embrace the potential sacrifice asked of her, the most important thing in her life, God intervened. He gave her back what she loved the most. I know how scary it is to be willing to die to your dreams and not know what is ahead. However, I've come to learn obedience is far better than sacrifice.

As one of my sons said today, we focus so much on the sacrifice and what may be asked, rather than thinking of the rewards to come. I'm not talking about eternal rewards, I'm speaking of meaning and "wealth" in this life that comes in various forms. This belief is why I do what I do.........

I have laid down many relationships, things I love, and don't want to do without but I am reaping the rewards...... and will have far more than I can imagine.

Anticipate.

Today I was telling a friend that I'm again at a crossroads; you may know the feeling. You've worked hard to get where you're at and you know something more awaits you in the future. Delays are disturbing:/

Your anticipation fuels your curiosity to continue....... and you know you can't give in to discouragement. Because of this, I've chosen to set aside a few days to seek out direction for my life at this time because many things are thrown at me daily. (Such as my sweeper, less than a year old, that quit working:/ Think Logan and our kitty did the work to get it going again:)

So much has taken place in a few short months and the summer has been a "tumultuous" one. (KC) Even in the delays, I've learned to keep moving in prayer. I push to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically even when I don't feel like it. Kind of like working out:)

As I parked my car at our apartment after work, I noticed two textbooks lying in the dirt. One book was titled "Economics;" the other, "Crossroads." A specific message just for me; I have more to learn. I am listening, looking and expecting some answers regarding real estate, property and being bi-coastal.

My friend John is planning his next trip out to visit, on his way to a business trip in HI. Logan's registered at Redondo Union for another year of school in SoCal. My plans are to get back to focusing on my book tomorrow; it's been weeks. Too many demands on my time:/

Sometimes I think we pray and expect God to do the work... all the work. I've found it doesn't happen that way. No way. If something is going to change, it's because I am willing to participate, do the work and get involved. No matter how tough or what the requirements.

Gotta get in and get dirty.