Anticipate.

Today I was telling a friend that I'm again at a crossroads; you may know the feeling. You've worked hard to get where you're at and you know something more awaits you in the future. Delays are disturbing:/

Your anticipation fuels your curiosity to continue....... and you know you can't give in to discouragement. Because of this, I've chosen to set aside a few days to seek out direction for my life at this time because many things are thrown at me daily. (Such as my sweeper, less than a year old, that quit working:/ Think Logan and our kitty did the work to get it going again:)

So much has taken place in a few short months and the summer has been a "tumultuous" one. (KC) Even in the delays, I've learned to keep moving in prayer. I push to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically even when I don't feel like it. Kind of like working out:)

As I parked my car at our apartment after work, I noticed two textbooks lying in the dirt. One book was titled "Economics;" the other, "Crossroads." A specific message just for me; I have more to learn. I am listening, looking and expecting some answers regarding real estate, property and being bi-coastal.

My friend John is planning his next trip out to visit, on his way to a business trip in HI. Logan's registered at Redondo Union for another year of school in SoCal. My plans are to get back to focusing on my book tomorrow; it's been weeks. Too many demands on my time:/

Sometimes I think we pray and expect God to do the work... all the work. I've found it doesn't happen that way. No way. If something is going to change, it's because I am willing to participate, do the work and get involved. No matter how tough or what the requirements.

Gotta get in and get dirty.

Eruptions.

In some ways I feel like I'm living the dorm life with 3 males in the apartment currently, lol:) We love having Andrew here and I personally am so grateful. The summer is a bit stagnant because we can do the same things year round, so having his friend here helps the time pass.

Over the course of a few weeks Chynna has gotten to talk with a variety of people at her job. It seems there is a common thread from all who have opened up to her..... "the people are different here." They are welcoming but not "friendly." Whether you're in SoCal one year or 17, the feelings are the same......

It is a very lonely place to live and perhaps why there is so much emphasis on "being the best." It's almost unheard for a kid my son's age to have a summer job because of all the activities they are a part of. It is common place to take lessons, be trained and/or go to summer school for self improvement and pay exorbitant amounts of money to do so. This is "livin the dream....."

While shopping at Target in Manhattan Beach, I noticed they don't use plastic bags anymore, only paper. When I asked why, the cashier went into a dissertation of her disgust with decisions being made. Taking a plastic bag on the beach can now render you a fine. When I said I'm from the East Coast and this sounds pretty typical of the West, she said, "it is. Welcome to California."

My trip back to the East Coast brought a lot into focus for me. At Christmas 2013, my goal was to spend time with family. This time, it was about the future and where we are heading. I now know anything is possible and time has once again accelerated.

Life is erupting much like the geyser at UCLA today. Giving you a window into the west......

Eternity.

Many people think they want to do "big things." Just the connotation sounds so glamorous and exciting..... at least and until there are demands on time and devotion to details that don't seem to matter. The sacrifice will always cost more than you can afford........

Each core fitness class that comes, I feel I can't take the time required to attend. I inevitably go because I've made the commitment to see this through. I'm told my body is changing even though I don't see a difference. Even when others complain, I remain committed and suck it up. Nothing is too difficult anymore.

My work days at Prudential are filling up, keeping me busier than before. I somehow knew this was going to happen. My late husband's days were full, start to finish; I wondered how he didn't have time to "relax." He never seemed to need to relax or chill but I know I need to be still.

I now am pushing as hard as he was, in a different way...... emotionally and spiritually building. In Cali, life feels very temporal and the eternal is not tangible unless I search it out. Life back East is much different.... and real.

Managing new tenants move in for the beginning of August, as well as other rental demands right now. God help me. I really see how our skills in working together were invaluable for expansion. We both pushed.... or pulled and made each other better, even through the battles we fought with each other and outside of ourselves.

I never knew I could be stretched as far as I've been...........

You may think you want "the world", but you're gonna have to work hard to get it. Destiny sounds divine but you're going to need to dig in and get dirty. It might even take a bit of crazy, not control, to get you where you dream of being.......

Goodness.

Logan woke me early Saturday, asking if my foot was our kitty, hiding under my covers, lol. After I told him I needed more sleep, he left me alone for only a few minutes. His body clock is on East Coast time:) Andrew literally fell asleep on the floor last night and tonight, ha ha:)

Headed to Anaheim to show him ASC, Disneyland, Angel Stadium, and our favorite waffle sandwich place, Bruxie's! He saw the San Bernadino Mtns off in the distance and noticed the fact that there are almost no bugs here:)

I dropped the boys off at Hermosa Beach to play for hours, while I ran a few much needed errands....... food mostly, lol:)

Olive is hiding during the daytime, but resting on my bed at night:D We figure she thinks she's in kitty heaven now........

Next up, first CBVA tournament for Logan and Andrew on Manhattan Beach!

Rain.

In the midst of a Sunday afternoon on the beaches in SoCal, something happened that almost never takes place, ever. Thunder, lightning, and a rainstorm. It was such a unique sight, as many looked to the heavens to see such signs........ perhaps leading to what is to come.

Most hadn't ever played VB in inclement weather, with elements challenging the focus...... What impacts the life of one, has already been experienced by another, be it ever so simple or drastic. Each element can add to life, if we understand the power to possess in these moments...

I know I needed the time of refreshing, to be with life giving hearts back in our hometown last week......... as I've opened myself up in a time of sorrow, I am sincerely blessed and excited to see the life that is blooming.....

I continue to face the financial challenges of a 45 year old widow, trying to begin a career that will impact both coasts and beyond, with concerns for my kids' futures. My personal and business life are ever intertwined and I'm not sure if or how they are to be separated.....

There's interest in my "love life" or whatever that looks like, lol:) I'm still trying to figure that one out, not wanting to repeat my past experiences..... "mistakes." I too, "look to the heavens, to see where my Help will come from..." Ps. 121

Logan and Andrew had a great day, playing a VB tournament in Manhattan Beach. They did really well and had an awesome time, even played fellow Redondo Seahawks and UCLA players:) The Grass Doubles Tournaments on the East Coast have definitely benefited both! Their growth is amazing...... The weekend is a blur, with another week beginning.

After witnessing the lightning over the ocean, and hearing the thunder in the heavens, I know I want more of the supernatural intervention of God. 
He knows the rain... reign that needs to come to the land.

Investment.

There have been many times I feel like I can't "afford" something, whether a physical object, emotional appeal, or simply time. A financial commitment is often required as well, evident in our quest to come west. Rather than dismiss an idea or let a dream die, I've decided to "invest" with my best.

In times past we didn't feel we had the time or money needed, and I still don't. It's even harder now but I knew Chynna and Logan had to get home and somehow, funds would be provided. I can't be stupid about things, but I have to take a risk........

I pitched in some; a piece of construction equipment that hadn't sold for months suddenly did, and surprise checks were sent or given. I had to commit first........ then I saw. As a result.... multiplication. Acceleration.

My daughter's coaching opportunities have doubled since returning to LA County:) Connections have deepened and continue to broaden, as I expand my sphere of influence. All the while needing more time and money, lol, but I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and pray.

Logan's having the best time and is not looking forward to returning on Friday honestly. His wisdom is beyond his years and he can elaborate quite well on the lifestyle.
Fortunately, his friend Andrew and two kitties will be among his traveling companions back. That's right, he plans to bring our two cats out to L.A., in hopes of creating a "homey feeling" here. Wish us luck.

I'm keeping busy with vetting new tenants for a rental home I have with advertising, scheduling appointments and overseeing. My life is somewhat insane.

I guess it takes a little bit of crazy........ to see things happen.

Extraordinary.

My trip back home was indescribable and I have my dear friend John, to thank for sharing his frequent flyer miles with me:)

The day I flew out of LAX, I received a text from Logan very early in the a.m., telling me every alarm in our PA home was going off. As I stepped in the airport at LAX, I set off their alarm...... I knew I needed to pay special attention to this trip:) It would be extraordinary........

After landing at 9 last night, I knew I was back in LA because of the actions indicative to the culture. Everyone thinks they have to be first. 
Back at work today, but rested this afternoon and tonight, after unpacking. Think I had a jet lag hangover, which doesn't appeal to me at all!

Many things took place over the course of the few days I was out of LA and back in PA, and I can't wait to share with you. I have renewed focus and energies, so thank you all for that. I needed to feel the love........

One thing was made very clear to me..... LA and surrounding areas suck the life out of me, out of us, leaving one feeling much like the land must feel.... dry, drained, empty. I will be speaking LIFE in a larger way.

Extraordinary Love. Goodnight from SoCal, again.

Takeoff.

After a long day of work and busyness this evening, I am almost finished packing my things to fly out Weds 

I was so tempted to cancel my fitness class tonight because I am swamped, but chose to keep the commitment. I've always given myself an out because my life was about everyone and everything else.I'm learning that I don't want to let myself down.... a huge shift in my thinking...... about myself.

A close friend assumed that I'm "happy" with my life now, who wouldn't be. Single in SoCal, working out and writing, and the list went on. After I explained these things don't make me "happy" but are a necessary path for our. He understood. Everything I'm doing is about continued survival..... the ability to recover makes the difference in your destiny.

When asked what would make me happy, I paused and said, "freedom." I want the freedom to do what I need and want to do, without deadlines, delays, and death dictating my life. It's that simple and I will do what it takes to get it.......... and then I will share it.

I heard this morning that L.A. has not had a drought of the magnitude felt here since 1877. This came several years after the Gold Rush, where "gold diggers" ravaged the land for their own personal gain. Somehow I think the effects are still being felt........

While I tend to worry and wonder how unexpected bills will be paid for, in 3 days time, I was suddenly able to sell a large item used for our remodeling business in PA. Suddenly, my faith was rewarded and I intend to spread it around..... and give some back.... to the land.

I'm going to hit the ground running as I make my landing on the East Coast, so get ready!

Goodnight California and Hello Pennsylvania.

The Core.

Logan has safely landed in Philly and is back in his home, one that he truly treasures. He's already enjoying the great baking of his Aunt Teresa and fun times with family! I imagine they will hear of his depravity here in regards to food, cooking and the lack of "comforts."

Most everyone has this perception of the "Great L.A." and the surrounding areas. It is actually a very dirty place that many locals avoid, in spite of the the glorious lifestyle portrayed. There is a deceptive perception of this town..... it is nothing but emptiness. .

The dating scene proves to be similar. Immaturity and insolence abound but you cannot tell from one's appearance. "Friends with benefits" is an accurate statement, depicting offers my daughter and I have encountered. It is a very accepted practice and this lifestyle, oddly normalized.

My daughter received her diploma this week from Kutztown University in Pennsylvania, with very impressive accolades and achievements. She's been told she's "changing the culture" of the beach cities. Volleyball may have brought us here, but if our sacrifice does not benefit the futures of many, it will be futile.........

During my fitness class last night, I wondered if I could push myself more and I determined yes, I must. For the next 8 weeks, I am very focused on building my "core." I have handled such crap; I can only become even stronger. Going home will be the inspiration I need.

Logan and I plan to be at Sportsfest all day Saturday, so hope to see many friends there! As my plans are firmed, I will update on FB:) Please make sure to see me and connect if possible. This trip will shake a few things up.....

"Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be." 
Job 8:7

— with Chynna Sky.

Magic.

A plan is beginning to be mapped out for my youngest as he considers options, entering his upcoming Junior year in HS. His options will broaden as he commits to a new path in life..... Perspective keeps our purpose alive. Seeing the divine in the destruction is empowering.....

Back in mid March, after the HP Beach Tryouts with USA VB, he took a swim in the Pacific with new founds friends. He laid his sunglasses on the sand as he swam, only to return and find them swept away by the waves. I knew his "vision" was expanding...... and his future far more than he can comprehend......

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this. He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.....", as we trust in His plan, in the midst of injustices we experience, nothing but the best will come.

Literally about an hour after I cancelled Jordan's flights for this weekend, Austin was finally able to get his shift covered at work. Jordan is on his way here tonight and the two will be heading to San Diego tomorrow to see Switchfoot! IIt will be an amazing experience........ and another first! Can't wait to see Jordan again too:)

I'm so glad the two boys now have bikes and have used them regularly. After riding home from work, Austin's pedal fell off and he fell, but was able to get it home and fix it. He commends his dad for any mechanical ability he has, and I heartily agree:)

Even when I feel like we lack and it's easy to focus on what I still need to survive, I challenge myself to think on the good things. Today I began the editing process for what I feel will be my first book. This requires reading over the early days of my FB posts, which really take me back........this community has had quite the beginning....... we have bonded in a beautiful way.......

It's like "Magic." Coldplay

Impact.

Today I feel kind of like a foreigner in a new land, embarking upon a journey through uncharted territory. The Promised Land lies ahead.... but we have to make it through the desert first.......

As I engage others in relationships, I realize my sense of time feels completely altered. I am now on a fast track to what is meaningful and of purpose..... all resulting from trauma and tragedy. Perhaps that is the key element needed to do something extraordinary............

Plans rapidly change around here, and so weekend hopes are being adjusted because Austin can't get off of work. San Diego and Switchfoot might have to wait until next year:/ Logan's plotting his course for his ventures back home with his friends for ten days:) In the meantime, beach.

Logan and I visited a new dentist for the first time in California. Their modern technology was impressive and anything we want done under the sun, can be done. It's Southern Cal, so of course:) LOL. Providing insurance cooperates, it could be wisdom tooth extraction......

As my teeth were assessed, x-rayed and cleaned today, I was made to think of relationships. There can be a lot going on behind the scenes, in places we do not see. Sometimes I put things off to avoid dealing with the pain, frustrations, and decay that can come between me and those I care about. 
If issues are not cleaned up, the mess doesn't go away; it just builds up and deterioration begins. We come up with reasons why not to address the issues, but usually greater problems are created and we lose those we need.

During this season in my life, I never imagined I'd be wondering if I should go with a "sure thing" or take another risk......... what is best for me I wonder.

Goodnight.

Edge.

When I need to regain my focus or get refreshed, I have a place in Palos Verdes, or "PV", which I seem to be needing on a weekly basis since May. Tonight after praying, I made a list of pros and cons to remind Logan and myself why we came. My "stone tablets" so to speak.......

As I continue to avail myself to others, many are opening up to me.... with honesty about the area. I keep digging to understand this unusual city in this "strange, strange July." It's only the beginning.

Our East Coast edge can slowly deteriorate in this climate. On occasion, I write a vision out for each one, in order not to get caught up in wandering aimlessly in LA County. Chynna regained hers while home. Logan will find his again. Our perspective will keep us here..........

The kids are playing on the beach and training on their own this week while I'm working. Those who have their part time jobs work when scheduled, but isn't quite enough. Waiting on El Camino to accept Austin's loan so he can start in the Fall. That's gotta go through. We're on a deadline again:/

Chynna will be coaching a JV Girl's team for Vista Mar in the upcoming season; her pathway is becoming clearer. She will playing libero for a women's club team in Huntington Beach, starting this week:) A position she was meant to play.......

Late afternoon I felt cranky...... I know I'm not "alone" but I am weary of helping teens become independent and learn to live on their own. I could really use their dad's help right about now....... I didn't have any choice in that matter. Having both "healthy" parents available in a child's life is so important.

Trying not to feel desperate but some days..........