Rise up.

November 11 brings about two very special days to reflect and remember the heart of sacrifice.......... Doug's birthday has always coincided with Veteran's Day and this year would be his 56th, which for me, seems hard to imagine.......

Today the boys and I spent time together since both had off from school. We saw the epic movie "Interstellar," and I was moved beyond words. From the time span of over 3 years, I have seen so many dots connecting in life, gradually revealing this most amazing plan....... and purpose.

In day to day life however, it can be a struggle to keep that plan in front of me and my kids. Just a few nights ago one of my kids said to me that he/she feels "lost"........... Longing for the way things once were, even if imperfect. Yet we know we can never go back to the same place in time and space.

We can tell ourselves something is enough, even when there is no life left. The hope is for a "Lazarus" kind of moment..........

It seems Logan continues to heal after having his first night of VB practice with Surf since the stitches. I'm also hoping Chynna is now on the mend and fever free:) Perhaps my type of remedy has helped........

I have found when death hits a household, blame can soon follow after. This is almost as bad, if not worse, than the trauma of the tragedy itself.....

"The greater the destiny, the greater the determination has to be." (me)

No silence for the soul.

Some days I think I want to give back my perceived "destiny" ...... to God, wondering if He's got the wrong person here. Times too trying, tasks so immense I can hardly fathom how to accomplish them. But then, I find a way to speak life to my own soul..............

I know how I felt when loss hit my heart...... knowing I was changed forever, and I would forever change the world for good. Those memories are burned within my being and imprinted upon the soul, the seat of my emotions.

This first week after leaving the real estate world in Cali, I am getting my own rental affairs in order. I've been running on fumes for several years, and now is the time to refuel. I need my ventures to run as a well oiled machine, for now and what is to come. You see, I have great ambitions....

I am filling the homes I have coming available and again the demand is great back in Pennsylvania. I have some pondering to do. I'm taking the early part of this week to put a plan into action.... and then I will WRITE. This will be my new "job" and I am treating it as such.

I will be heading back to the East Coast this week, for a weekend wedding:) Can't wait to see my family and perhaps friends if I can fit it all in! When you come to California most people think it's a place one will never want to leave........

In the past week, God has been speaking to me about joy, particularly relating to my little niece Ava Joy. The great lyricist David, in Psalms 51:12 says, "restore to me the JOY of your salvation and grant me a willing heart to sustain me." The word restore often implies the need to return that which has been lost.......

David is asking for help...... needing to return to a time of innocence and hope, salvation. He also needed help to remain where he is was meant to be, for as long as he needed to be there, and to find joy in it. I think his message is a universal one, as so many souls feel this condition..........

"There are things we can do, But from the things that work there are only two, And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win, And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep, We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake, And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive, And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying, To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts, So often I ought, To replace that slot
With what I once bought, 'Cause somebody stole
My car radio, And now I just sit in silence. " (Car Radio)

My soul cannot be silent. (KC)

A fresh start for Fall.

Being given a "'second chance" in life, whether your experience is in the loss of life or the quality of it, is truly a gift that is easily missed. It is as I move further in my journey that I continue to see this glorious unfolding.....

The opportunity may be wrapped in a beautiful covering, or simple plain brown paper, with nothing to catch the eye. Something given as a "gift" should make me feel good...... and contrary to my circumstances, I know the One I believe in gives only "good gifts......."

I may try to make a guess at what could possibly be contained inside, or how it might impact my life as I open this mystery. My anticipation is palpable; however, it's not until I begin to really unwrap it, rip into it, that I become enveloped in the possibilities and discover destiny within.........

As John and I spent another weekend in SoCal together, I continue to be amazed at the quality of this man I have gotten to know very well....... While I never imagined my life would take such a turn, nor the lives of my children, I see the possibilities of second chances.....

I didn't realize how, but I began to compartmentalize myself since trauma took the life of my late husband and our life, as we knew it to be. I think I had to segregate it in order to handle the major life alterations that accompany loss. Trust issues took their toll as well..............

I now am coming to the start of another new beginning in my life. In another week I will be leaving my PT job at Prudential in HB, in order to pursue my writing and blogging career. It seem the Fall season has brought about a necessary "change" in this season in my life........ more to come.

I hate goodbyes........... but I LOVE beginnings.

Divine plans and order.

When one or more you love suffer loss or pain unneedlessly, each expresses it differently. Even if it can be part of their personal growth, it all remains very difficult to deal with. As a mom of a son who witnessed the worst possible thing ever in losing his dad, I have a special place in my heart for him........

Having 3 other kids who shared the pain, as well as help uncover the purpose of loss, have forever been changed and challenged......... Even almost 3 years in, I will continue to do whatever it takes to help each realize their futures do exist. Perhaps a mother's love or the determination of destiny........

One of mine needed to go as far away as possible to escape familial responsibility; another always had a craving to chase after her dreams. One son, a bit more volatile and emotional, is the heart of the family...... and my youngest, well, he has made the most of every opportunity given to him.

I find it important to reevaluate life and decisions regularly because I will always want and do the best possible thing for the kids...... not for myself and not because of peer pressure. We follow a different flow......

I do find myself extra sensitive to dehydration while here in this extra dry climate. It's hard to imagine seriously worrying about a "water shortage" for years and years, if living here permanently. The lifestyle of renting in the South Bay and NorCal lends itself to never feeling settled..........

Austin is fighting off an ear infection for the past week, so it may be time for a doctor visit:/ His new job at The Loft Hawaiian is going well and will need to fit in, following his school schedule on weekdays. After implementing a few new plans, he is coming along well. although it is tricky without his own car:/ We have no plans to make a big purchase here because of countless scammers in SoCal.

Chynna's team won an Indoor Tournament today and she's very excited about going to Nationals in 2015:) I may just have to make a visit there. I wish we would've known then what we know now; she could've gone far in this sport after high school but trusting in a divine order and plan. Now could be her time:)

Sometimes lessons learned can be gleaned in a short amount of time. When the Spirit of God is involved and dreams are revealed, time becomes irrelevant. Age does not matter. Fear is not a big factor. I find what used to take 20 years, can be learned in 2. Crazy stuff........

Setting up plans for the next six months. Exciting days are ahead.

Destiny.

I think by now, most of you know I have this "love/hate relationship" with California. The same can be said of destiny........

You also know I'm not going to BS my way through making you think life is "perfect" when life's journey has led us down many difficult paths....... but what if the heights we have climbed lead us to magnificent views, and a vision so spectacular...... what if the hard work and determination could actually pay off.......

In the last week, I'm told my physical changes continue to show; even more so, mental strength. The last few days have been totally eye opening for John, who has spent time in our "new reality." He understands the things I communicate, and sees firsthand. Life changing moments......

A few more pics from a day of beach ball to share; one in NorCal, as Jordan played in an outdoor tourney:) And more from the south. My friend from the east heads on his business trip, after enjoying some local fare here. His kindness is endless...........

I've decided there are two kinds of people in life........ life giving or soul sucking. Determine who surrounds you and what path your life will take.

I made it our mission to visit Simi Valley, CA, a bit north and inland of where we live. I needed to see the Reagan Presidential Library today to acquaint myself with this past President and leader. This "great communicator" is an inspiration to me, reminding me never to give up on this great land. Destiny is in our blood.

"Once you begin a great movement, there's no telling where it will end. We meant to change a nation, and instead we changed the world." R. Reagan

Eternity.

Many people think they want to do "big things." Just the connotation sounds so glamorous and exciting..... at least and until there are demands on time and devotion to details that don't seem to matter. The sacrifice will always cost more than you can afford........

Each core fitness class that comes, I feel I can't take the time required to attend. I inevitably go because I've made the commitment to see this through. I'm told my body is changing even though I don't see a difference. Even when others complain, I remain committed and suck it up. Nothing is too difficult anymore.

My work days at Prudential are filling up, keeping me busier than before. I somehow knew this was going to happen. My late husband's days were full, start to finish; I wondered how he didn't have time to "relax." He never seemed to need to relax or chill but I know I need to be still.

I now am pushing as hard as he was, in a different way...... emotionally and spiritually building. In Cali, life feels very temporal and the eternal is not tangible unless I search it out. Life back East is much different.... and real.

Managing new tenants move in for the beginning of August, as well as other rental demands right now. God help me. I really see how our skills in working together were invaluable for expansion. We both pushed.... or pulled and made each other better, even through the battles we fought with each other and outside of ourselves.

I never knew I could be stretched as far as I've been...........

You may think you want "the world", but you're gonna have to work hard to get it. Destiny sounds divine but you're going to need to dig in and get dirty. It might even take a bit of crazy, not control, to get you where you dream of being.......

Dreamin.

I'm glad to be back........ after spending 5 days in Houston, TX with our VB team. 

I always thought if I had a dream and a destiny, it should come easy. If something is "meant to be", why would I have to "work for it?" I'm not sure where that thought came from other than empty promises made by well meaning people; impressions made upon me as a young person.

As I connected with a West Point graduate on the plane from Houston to LAX, he identified with the work ethic required. Never in my wildest imagination could I conceive of the "suffering and sacrifices" it would take to get here......

After our time in Houston at Junior Olympics Nationals VB Championships, our vision has again expanded, opening up the future for Logan. More details to come. I find it often takes forced change to conform our will to the path of God in life, and to align us with our destiny. There is pain in that process, but there are rewards........

One of the best things was seeing his previous team from the Lehigh Valley in PA; we have lifelong connections there. The hugs were ones in which I didn't want to let go of, and to see Logan's face light up when he saw his former teammates was awesome:) It felt like a piece of home.

I enjoyed Houston, mostly because of team relationships and having Chynna and Austin with me. We had a few free hours and drove to see the Gulf in Galveston. I can now say we've been there. Not quite what I expected.

Rockstar did very well, winning their Flight in the Open Division:) It was a rewarding experience and in the South Bay, there is no dead time. JO's end and decisions are made for the upcoming club season that begins in September. Now, beach training begins.

Leaving Houston, there was green grass, rain, and life. As we hit LA airspace, I could feel the emptiness in the land, much like the dryness in the ground from a lack of "rain." We know we can't look outward for fulfillment, but have to find it within... and upward..... and release what we have into the area. 
Glad to be back blogging.

"Welcome To The Jungle." Jay-Z

Magic.

It seems we arrived in Redondo Beach at just the perfect time, as it feels we're riding a wave.......

Tonight the HS Varsity team swept their local rivals, Mira Costa High, in a match of 3 games, which hasn't been done since 1999. Sweet victory:) Logan has such an opportunity, as a sophomore, at such a time and with such a team as this. To see his smiles, laughter, and free spirit being released has been so good......

As I put time and effort into building a coast to coast network through my House of Secrets blog and motivational words, I'm finding more of my purpose in all of this too........ bringing a little bit of "magic" from the east to the west, a common phrase I've been told since 2014 began:)

Chynna's moving along, having found a FT job in her field, and finishing her PT classes twice a week at Cal State Long Beach. Her schedule has really picked up in many ways and remaining in motion is key to finding fortunes. Spiritual motion, above all, is the most effective way to finding "success."

She'll slowly transition into moving into a room of her own in Redondo Beach, near the beach, and mostly out of necessity for now. Plans are for her to have a roommate and move in after the Easter holiday, which could cut my wardrobe by a 1/4... not good. She will begin her own quest for independence......

In this land of individualism, on a quest for greatness, many run this familiar race. Some run in vain, others race for victory; defining moments are determined by a destiny not held in our hands but by One with divine purposes. We just need to cooperate......

In the area we live, in SoCal and surrounding communities, the mentality seems to be less stress is best. I find myself resisting strife as never before; jealousies are intolerable, and reconciliation is a top priority. Knowing who to trust proves difficult in a land of superficiality, but time does tell the pure from profane. We've landed in a "magical" community.

Balancing the board, riding an ongoing wave, and enjoying the "water."