Gain.

Sometimes doing what is necessary for the sake of another has to be one of the toughest things ever undertaken. There's uncertainty in the letting go...... what lies ahead..... and of course, when free will is involved, the greater the risk and impact.................

Perhaps in losing my very personal and protected relationship of 25 years, I was jarred into a new reality.... and remedy for life. I now do not hesitate to embrace the change that needs to happen; I know I am not normal but hopefully helpful:)

As we enter our second school year in Redondo Beach, it's becoming apparent the sacrifices of the first, will prepare for the next. It's already shaping up to be a better year than last for Logan, and it's only the second day. He has learned so much.......... as have I.

I've been told by friends back home I should never play poker..... that's changed:) I know I need to be here to advance in many areas in my life, including business, personal, physical and most of all, mental. When taken out of your comfort zone, accelerated growth can happen, even in your 40's.

After our loss, I went from managing my household for 20+ years, into the workforce, in less than 5 months. Talk about change..... struggle...... and suffering, but I knew the time and opportunity were right. I had to go for it. I was given a position at a Prudential in southeastern PA and my new journey would begin.

There were times when tears were triggered, or emotions expressed in the office; I had so much to figure out and try to hold it all together...... I could've run away from the change, but I stayed. Because I did, I am only beginning to see those rewards.......

Sometimes you just have to go for it....... and ask yourself, what have you got to lose?

Destiny.

I think by now, most of you know I have this "love/hate relationship" with California. The same can be said of destiny........

You also know I'm not going to BS my way through making you think life is "perfect" when life's journey has led us down many difficult paths....... but what if the heights we have climbed lead us to magnificent views, and a vision so spectacular...... what if the hard work and determination could actually pay off.......

In the last week, I'm told my physical changes continue to show; even more so, mental strength. The last few days have been totally eye opening for John, who has spent time in our "new reality." He understands the things I communicate, and sees firsthand. Life changing moments......

A few more pics from a day of beach ball to share; one in NorCal, as Jordan played in an outdoor tourney:) And more from the south. My friend from the east heads on his business trip, after enjoying some local fare here. His kindness is endless...........

I've decided there are two kinds of people in life........ life giving or soul sucking. Determine who surrounds you and what path your life will take.

I made it our mission to visit Simi Valley, CA, a bit north and inland of where we live. I needed to see the Reagan Presidential Library today to acquaint myself with this past President and leader. This "great communicator" is an inspiration to me, reminding me never to give up on this great land. Destiny is in our blood.

"Once you begin a great movement, there's no telling where it will end. We meant to change a nation, and instead we changed the world." R. Reagan

Cultures.

In my many years of focusing on my family, I found it so difficult to make myself a priority, as many of you can relate too. This summer I have dedicated to putting myself first, in a new and good way. I have a lot to figure out and I now believe, I do have options........

The first thing I usually have to adjust is my perspective; then my mind follows; actions and behavior changes have to be implemented. For practical reasons, I finally wrote down goals and hopes I have, that have always seemed impossible for me.

Today, I chose to put myself first in a small way by signing up for a 9 Week Fitness Class to tone and strengthen my core. I figure I can take $11 from my grocery money each week. Worst case, we'll eat a little less, lol. I have lost over 7 lbs. since coming here, but didn't really have it to lose.

After making health insurance changes and being dissatisfied with the first doctor I settled on out here, I made another change. Today I met a new, young doctor in Manhattan Beach and feels like a very good fit:) Here's to hoping......... I also plan to get my yearly mammogram soon:/

No one is here to tell me to take care of myself, that I need to get these checkups and things done. It's so weird. The kids try, but somehow do not carry the same weight as a spouse. I kind of want someone to tell me I need to do it.

This new doctor is an L.A. native, but went to school in NYC for 8 years. We spoke of the clash of cultures between east and west. The lifestyle can lend itself to laziness in some respects. The east is fast; here it's slow...... except on the freeway:)

I'm learning how to adapt without losing myself. The kids are too. I've been concerned about that, but according to locals, we look like we belong..