The Simple Things.

This weekend contained some big things after I marked what would've been my 27th married year. I feel the connectivity of time as moments are marked in my memory over the years. Where there are few climate changes, time stands still and is stagnant to me.

In spite of this cold, Logan and I are finding adventure in the snow, sometimes "off roading" on the road:) There are weather related hassles everywhere, just for different reasons. Having no water or precipitation is a big bummer, but there's no right or wrong. The sun does not make one superior............. and neither does the snow.

We trekked to Hershey in the cold on Friday and carried a few boxes and totes into my sister's new home nearby, in Saturday's blowing snow! They are very efficient packers and seem to have this down to a science. The bulk of it comes this weekend, but on the way back to my house we found another adventure:)

With Aidan in the backseat and Logan driving, we saw two lost dogs running the street in the snow, with no collars or tags. We couldn't help but try to round them up, so as Logan ran 1/4 mile after them, I followed in the truck. We were finally able to get them to come close. It was a picture!

These two pit bull/boxer dog mixes were the sweetest things and tried to come sit in the front seat with me. After they later jumped into the back, we rounded up the rest of the kids for the remainder of our snowy adventure. It was perfect! I didn't know what I would do with these dogs, but we knew we could not abandon them when they needed help.............

We could have been afraid, fearing their breed and the rumors we've heard but carefully and cautiously we stepped in to help. And so it is with life..... You can't plan such a thing........ or work the time into your schedule........ you just have to fill the need when the time arises........

Just as we mapped out our plan, I turned right onto a road that put me on a path with who I perceived to be the owner. I followed her closely and she was soon reunited with her pet friends. She gave Logan a big hug for helping, as she mentioned to us that most people are afraid to get close because of their reputation........ We are not "most" people.

There is nothing like a fresh coating of snow to revive our senses and make us feel alive and alert. Perhaps it can even awaken our sense of adventure and I think a lot needs waking up around here! Having said that, my daughter has officially announced she's returning to the east and to everything she loves dearly smile emoticon

I think we've tried to appreciate the times, situations, and seasons each have afforded us in life.

Simple moments. Snow falling. Sun shining. Special people. East and West. The countdown is on.

Unveiling and Unified.

Upon setting my heart to hear the multiples of reasons I have returned to the East Coast, answers are being unveiled...... these first two weeks in this new year will bring about purpose and prosperity. It is a process........

I imagine the chosen people of Israel, upon the revelation they would find freedom, ventured into their "desert" with a bit of fatigue. They had spent 400 years, working and doing the same thing day after day, only to see life getting more difficult, more complicated. They needed empowerment, to realize daily who they were called to be..... meant to be.

The daily cares in life keep us weighed down and enslaved to systems that have become familiar to us. We become afraid to make changes, particularly in this economy. I remember a time when our family began scraping the bottom of the barrel and changes had to be made. After many prayers, our answers came.

The answer however, required we take a big risk.......and so it is today.
We were living with less than we were meant to live, and be. A lot had to be readjusted, particularly in our thinking. Thoughts have roots.

In returning to the east, I am reminded that Pennsylvania seems to have a poverty mentality, as opposed to California, where excess has been established. Both are extremes. I see the needs, I hear the hurts, and I am preparing to help....... please pray.

I know the plans for the next 2 months and beyond that, we will see. We have loose based plans laid out for the kids as well, and beyond that, we will trust. Shaking off those bonds of slavery, everything that has kept me tied up, and finding my freedom in 2015.

"I know the plans I have for you... to prosper you and give you a future," says the Lord in heaven.

Commit and stick with.

Being a few days into this new year is often a make or break time that determines the level of commitment we maintain. Decisions made in weeks prior are put to the test and fortitude challenged. It is easy to talk about something but another to actually follow through.

I think I have been put through most every test possible in that regard. Having been in the L.A. scene, we very quickly learned a person's word means very little, except for a special few. I did not realize what life would look like on a daily basis without........ commitment.

My late husband seemed to drill into all of our heads and hearts, the importance of holding true to your word, After living in another locale, my kids and I have adopted the same mindset. It has become so very important that I do what I say I am going to do........ and hope the same of others.

In his transition week before school, Logan has gotten to work with my brother in law on a rental home I have. He's gone from a CA beach guy to rugged East Coaster again:) It's good to see him working with his hands and using his strength not only to compete. This is a welcome change......

So much feels as if it has been taken from me and I guess I am on my own "recovery mission." Most recently, several tenants think they can stiff me on monies I'm owed which is honestly appalling. I have never had such dealings and it makes me wonder if I can keep doing this.........

I would never give up but rather look at these times in life as a change, often precipitated by a series of events. Decisions we make, whether to work out, shape up, share things, or organize our lives, are often a result of dissatisfaction. That is not necessarily a bad thing.

Sticking to what I know to be true, decisions that may determine destinies, and taking the steps towards freedom in this new year, will help keep me aligned with refinement.

Refine - "improve by making small changes, or removing unwanted elements from life."

Taking flight.

Another Friday night passes and I'm doing what I often do - packing. This time it is not for a volleyball tournament the next day, but rather a flight home:) It feels a little bit like I am currently caught between two seasons in life and need the proper "preparation" for each place.........

The quest for independence has been an uphill battle. When one is used to living under the care or concern of another, whether a parent's watchful eye or partner in life, it is a very big adjustment to gain the gravity to hold your on. I was always taken care of, not in a life of "luxury" but with loyalty......

I now ponder the proper way to provide care for my growing kids, who want independence but are not able to be independent. When conflicts arise amongst us, I feel the same internal stress that hassled me in my marriage. I just want to be free.

Chynna and Austin will be roommates while we are away and until he flies home for the holiday, lol. I would rather spend the days with all my kids but I can't make it all work. She and Jordan will do volunteer work and hang here for a long weekend. Holidays here are not as special as we are accustomed to back East. To say Logan is excited is an understatement:)

Austin was serious about job applications this week and through online apps and in person, he made a lot of contacts. His future remains very fluid and we will see what opens up. He needs to get back home and out of this aimlessness.........

"Our survival instinct can prove to be our greatest source of inspiration."

No silence for the soul.

Some days I think I want to give back my perceived "destiny" ...... to God, wondering if He's got the wrong person here. Times too trying, tasks so immense I can hardly fathom how to accomplish them. But then, I find a way to speak life to my own soul..............

I know how I felt when loss hit my heart...... knowing I was changed forever, and I would forever change the world for good. Those memories are burned within my being and imprinted upon the soul, the seat of my emotions.

This first week after leaving the real estate world in Cali, I am getting my own rental affairs in order. I've been running on fumes for several years, and now is the time to refuel. I need my ventures to run as a well oiled machine, for now and what is to come. You see, I have great ambitions....

I am filling the homes I have coming available and again the demand is great back in Pennsylvania. I have some pondering to do. I'm taking the early part of this week to put a plan into action.... and then I will WRITE. This will be my new "job" and I am treating it as such.

I will be heading back to the East Coast this week, for a weekend wedding:) Can't wait to see my family and perhaps friends if I can fit it all in! When you come to California most people think it's a place one will never want to leave........

In the past week, God has been speaking to me about joy, particularly relating to my little niece Ava Joy. The great lyricist David, in Psalms 51:12 says, "restore to me the JOY of your salvation and grant me a willing heart to sustain me." The word restore often implies the need to return that which has been lost.......

David is asking for help...... needing to return to a time of innocence and hope, salvation. He also needed help to remain where he is was meant to be, for as long as he needed to be there, and to find joy in it. I think his message is a universal one, as so many souls feel this condition..........

"There are things we can do, But from the things that work there are only two, And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win, And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep, We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake, And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive, And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying, To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts, So often I ought, To replace that slot
With what I once bought, 'Cause somebody stole
My car radio, And now I just sit in silence. " (Car Radio)

My soul cannot be silent. (KC)

Settled for only a season.

Good things, and not so good things, all come to an end, whether you feel ready or not. School life, child rearing, a marriage, or life itself...... 2 years 11 months today, we revisit those moments in time.......

Jordan spent his time moving to a new place, in a new territory of SF. Each living situation has brought its share of good and bad, depending on housemates and landlords. There is no way to know; it's a crap shoot and you hope you get lucky and don't wind up with a whacko. The setting does not lend itself to feeling "settled" but has been a "season" for gathering knowledge........

Having John's eyes and experiences has been invaluable in recent months, because I know he will help to bring me balance if I need it. An East coast thing:) Turns out, I know what I'm talking about; decisions will continue to be made, as I pursue the direction we have for the future.

We spent a few hours on Dockweiler Beach with the Redondo Beach Team, as Logan and his partner played in a HS pairs tournament. After a few days in the 90+ degree weather, the sand becomes too hot to even walk on or move in. I wear my pink sneakers on the beach:/

Having the "heat" for an extended period of time with no rain or refreshing becomes exhausting. There is "pressure" of a different kind than elsewhere in the country...... I am speaking of more than the weather, and of spiritual things......... there is no break.

Something that should end can last way too long for a variety of reasons, but indecisiveness or even a lack of direction can be an issue. Most times it takes as much courage to begin a new life, as it does to end something. Objectivity can be your friend....... or enemy.

It's okay to look back, briefly.

We've had a vast array of experiences since setting foot in Southern California, many of which I would not need to relive. But I do not regret things either, because I am a better person for it. Too many times I think we move through life trying to forget things we should remind ourselves of......

I'm told folks of all kinds flocked here 30+ years ago, to a place that held freedoms, fun, and futures..... the CA of yesteryear perhaps. It seems as a way of escaping everyday life, loss, and past loves, a "paradise" of sorts was created, yet the intrusion into personal lives, locally and on the state level is astounding. I could write a book, lol.

I honestly did not realize the amount of freedoms afforded on the East Coast. My eyes have been opened. We come from a land very unique; real estate is affordable and where dreams can be discovered.
An area where my sons can shoot basketball with friends for fun, have a pool party, throw football with family/friends, make some noise, listen to music, drive a car easily, and freely play with pets. Most important, you know who your "friends" are. and who you can call on........

Chynna has begun her online Personal Training course to become certified; this plan aligns nicely with her desires as a coach, player and for our purposes. She already has had a few "clients", lol. I told her she can continue to whip me into shape:)

Only two weeks after my core fitness class ended, I've done the workouts on my own, and seemed to have "hurt" myself ha ha. I'm the kind of person that needs a trainer! With a few minor injuries, I may be signing up for the next course, starting next week.

I set aside the time from May through September for a very specific purpose, and as I look back over these months, I can see pieces of our purpose unfolding. It's okay to reflect and look back on where you were to where you currently are; however, that doesn't mean the move ends.

I don't want to be a "pillar of salt", a "preservative" left in a pile that just 
sits there, as told in the story of Lot's wife.

This is only just the beginning......

Resilience is a remedy.

On the eve of 9/11, I think of where I was the morning news broke of such tragedy and trauma unfolding back East. I would predict that no one was prepared for such an experience that day; this unimaginable event would leave a mark on the soul of the nation........

The loss was collectively shared, as if we all experienced the same thing together. Responses. Reactions. Sacrifice. Heroism. Having experienced these differences on both coasts, I think I know what my second book could be........

As I spoke with Jordan today, he took my laugh as a good sign and I joked with him about my resilience..... I said "I'm like a rubberband, I bounce back." LOL. Even in experiences I would prefer not to have as part repertoire, I allow myself to be tested, whether in adversity or diversity.......

There was a time in the life of Job where the God he had put his trust in, allowed him to experience pain and suffering. It would seem like everything he went through was for no reason at all; however, the devil had made a deal with the Almighty. You see.... Job's favor had earned God's faith. He believed in the character of this mortal man......

Job probably thought he had a "good life" in his first half, with so many blessings and great experiences; however, there was more that awaited him. But first, he had to be tested, severely. His beliefs were ground down to the bare bones..... only to be built back up again. The second half, his second chance, brought about more than he ever imagined.

As I begin to really pursue and put in place plans to make things happen in my second chance rather than "suffering" through, I trust my experience will be as Job's..........

The impact of 9/11 will live on because I purpose to remember this life altering event, just as my personal loss. It is part of our legacy, meant to make us better....... not to tear me apart, but bless beyond belief......

Resilience is a remedy.

Laughter.

Since coming to L.A., we've had the pleasure of welcoming 3 friends from back home here to visit; Jordan's greeted a few in San Fran as well. Honestly, it's always such a pleasure to have anyone from back home stop by, much more special than we could imagine. This week brings us Janelle Turner!

Chynna met her at the airport, and we all met for lunch at Joe's, using Austin's 50% off employee discount yet again:) From there, Hermosa Beach for the afternoon and catching up on life back home and here.

Our PA home always was a welcoming one and we miss hosting friends and family:/ Tonight, Janelle shared in our very humble means here, gathering around our cardboard box, coffee table for dinner. A very special treat for us:)

At my age, most people want to enjoy what they've worked for; I haven't had that luxury yet, and it's easy to complain about........ particularly when most everything I held dear, I left behind.... except for one another. It sounds very altruistic but is just the choice I've made for now.

Our time with Jordan is always fun, and they're all getting to know John a lot better. Dating anyone other than their dad was a tough transition, for some of the kids more than others. I will discuss this more in the days ahead.......

It's been good to hear laughter in the apartment, when East Coast roots meet the West Coast lifestyle. In between those times, it's nose to the grindstone, feed to the fire....... and full steam ahead.

Sincere love to all

Challenge.

It was a Sunday of VB as Logan and I made our way to Manhattan Beach for a CBVA tournament early this morning. Logan played with Sam Caldwell, a new potential partner. Again, they were the youngest, playing against seasoned players, going for an A rating. The day got better and better:)

Funny how his past has prepared him for his future and this level of competition, on the beach, where he never played back East. Challenges can serve to make one better, if used as steps to get to the next level. You can stay where you're at if you want to, or prefer not to be pushed. Choice is yours... always.

Some of us like a challenge, and for the most part, this lifestyle does not lend itself to such. I currently eat, sleep and breathe real estate, at Prudential CA, and as handling my properties back East. Fine tuning the game plan and a year in review is on my agenda by September 1.

I am very focused on this next chapter in my life and ways I can expand. I'm open to the possibilities.........while not losing myself again the process. Been there, done that. I know quite a bit more than I've ever been given credit for........ years of just doing the hard work will pay off......... soon.

I found out that Jordan bought a small wooden rocking chair on a garage sale this weekend, and Chynna and her roommate lugged home a Queen size mattress and boxspring left on the sidewalk for pickup. So, at least we're making progress in the area of household items:) Austin is still on the floor and continue to bike to and from work.

As a single mom, widow, and limited income, even choosing to buy a bed becomes a big deal. Anything really is ... .... I still feel the stress of making purchases and really ask myself what do we actually need or what can we get by with. There are choices to make on the path to a dream.........

I can feel helpless at times and allow myself to be dictated to by my situation. That's a bad place to be; ruins my perspective. I would rather take hold of the life we have yet to live and do the most with it possible....

Dreaming bigger than ever.

Compromise.

Ever since coming to California, the test for each of us has been to stay true to who we are and not allow compromise to kick in. There is such a seducing spirit in the area of LA that can draw anyone in and make you aimless. You come with a dream and lose sight because of "lifestyle." I wonder how many are lost..........

I literally feel out of touch with the rest of the world in this "South Bay Bubble" and not even care quite honestly. People just do their own thing. That's not me; however, and not where I come from. I make it my business to stay informed and keep my connections flowing. I care about what's happening in the world.

I brought the kids west almost a year ago and this place feels as it did then; it's just a place to live, train and play. It is not a place that feels settled, but a space people are just passing through. The idea of home and family feels very distant even though ours is mostly together because of this "bubble."

Most homes in this bubble, even the smallest and outdated, are selling for $400K plus. Everyone knows it's crazy but all seem to participate. You get the least possible for a ton of money. Investors, foreigners, the famous, and wealthy families seem to be the few that can afford to call the area "home."

Yes, there's surface beauty but also a feeling of survival, as if someone is out to get you at any given time. Whether a traffic ticket, an untrustworthy "friend", or someone in your social circle, lying to your face is common place. I learned the hard way a few months back......... in a confrontation with a native Californian. This past year has been about more life lessons.

We continue to be ourselves from back East, without compromise, and remain very different from the crowd. Being bi-coastal may be closer than I think. 
As hard as I have to work, we will remain "untouched"................

.

Love.

I had a dream back in June revealing a missing piece of my life here in L.A. County..... and that piece is "love." There are clues throughout the dream that speak to this acceleration of time I feel, as the spiritual and natural parallel........... and I wonder where my love life will go.

I was accustomed to the companionship of a partner, even if he was working long hours or barely seemed to listen to me. His presence was always felt. He was there to handle things I couldn't and to bear the heavy burdens alongside of me. Most days, I still feel that loss.

Now, I'm figuring out what I want in my life and most importantly, who will be with me moving forward. As I "work out" my faith and what is at my core this summer, I'm pushing for a deeper strength, stamina, and mental game needed to proceed and succeed. I'm getting my mind aligned and finally taking control of this area of my life...........

Andrew is back on the East Coast and I assume in his own bed tonight:) We will miss him. Logan's begun to look at colleges on the east and west coast, submitting recruiting info to coaches. A club teammate is providing film from Houston since I videotaped my leg rather than the best game of his life as a libero, lol:)

His Redondo HS Beach Team is working out twice a week now in preparation for the upcoming HS season on the beach! Andrew was able to participate in playing with many in Hermosa:) The training and conditioning schedule Logan is on is a good one and he's determined to follow through.

Chynna may have up to 3 coaching positions coming up shortly here in the South Bay and is playing on two indoor club teams. She too has persevered and is connecting with many people, planning and playing in the sand whenever she can. She sets her sights high............

Austin is in limbo until college begins in a few weeks; things are finally coming together, I think. He hopes to volunteer at the Manhattan Beach Open next week which draws AVP and players from all over:) He'd like a second job but they are hard to come by here and summer is winding down:/

Hoping a bit of real love comes to the L.A. area because what I have seen so far is very fickle..............