A place in time and space.

Loss invokes an emotion, precipitates activity, inflames arguments or creates a close knit community...........

When losing a loved one, no matter the avenue or addiction, life can feel like an unending fight. It seems you've just stepped into a larger place in time and space......... where purpose exists. Perhaps it is time we inspire the young with the idea of being exceptional........... a belief many adults have forgotten about because life got in the way..........

Throughout my own crazy recovery, I go through periods of feeling down and throwing my dreams away. It takes everything I have got in me to hold them close to my heart. But that is what makes them worth so much to me.

And then there are those miraculous moments, when my courage soars. That rare gift, courage, must be nurtured and protected. It must be recognized in the young and urged to grow........... God knows we do not need more of the status quo.

I praised my kids as they grew, and continue to do so, for who they are and the gifts they have. However, I did not and will not shower them with untruths. Because a relationship was established long ago, I can tell each the "truth" but with an unending love......... and there is a connection. I long for each child to know this feeling.............

When I say it is a privilege to hang out with my nieces and nephews, and young people who give me the time of day, I mean it sincerely. I know how quickly life passes, the full circle and cycles we go through. No one is ever too far gone, too far from "saving."

Some days I really long for a "partner", as relationships have shifted for me since I'm back on the East Coast. Today I picked up a 12" concrete riser that weighs almost 200 lbs. for the septic system at my house. Thankfully the boys could unload it at home smile emoticon We are making progress.

I have learned so much in a few years, more than some in a lifetime.

I have learned to reach out........ I have learned to say I need help. I have learned to take counsel and advice; to know who to trust and who/what to trash. It is actually a beautiful process to witness.

And I am learning to trust myself more......... Nite.

Taking my time.

While i spent this Saturday night running my sweeper, I heard the sound of a table saw in the shop in our basement. It is a sound I have not heard echoed in several years, until my oldest son Jordan turned on the tools. He has so many skills........ and the sound was reassuring in some way.

We spent some time running around today, shopping for a bed finally, and of course, Home Depot unsure emoticon We have been able to share vehicles, thanks to my parents loaning us a car for now, but looking for a car for him is on our immediate list as well. Trusting the Lord for timing........

Sometimes it is easy to become impatient, particularly when there are pressures...... and promises. There is game playing and game changers that cause adjustments and adaptations I seem to need to make. It really kind of never stops. The last number of months have been like never before.....

Even and especially as a widow, I have had the most bizarre things occur, some almost too difficult to discuss, Perhaps in book form.in the future. I can see how very easy it is to get into unhealthy relationships after the soul has suffered. Truth is revealed over time, which we often feel we don't have. The irony.

I am very encouraged however, by close friends and women who open their heart to me. We are not alone. It is up to me to define my wants, what can wait, and what qualities are important to me. At my age, I have days when I do feel impatient which might sound silly, but it is truth.

Taking my time to trust. Nite.