Running the race to win.

I like to live and thrive in a climate where I feel energized and can in turn, empower and encourage others. If I am simply surviving, it makes it very difficult to reach out to another...... and that is motivation enough for me to push past my own personal pain and find the path to victory.

As I have seen back east or west, no matter where I am the enemy of my soul will always try to pillage and plunder my life. Whether through emotions, arrogance, ignorance, or obstinance, I find I cannot become passive about receiving the recompense that is mine to possess...........

In order to receive the rewards, I have to first believe they are meant to be mine. I have a wonderful man in my life who has helped me through the countless trappings that beset a widow with the kind of responsibilities I have had. And yet, it's taken me time to receive what he brings to my life...

Three years in, I remain very respectful of Doug's passing and the race we are now running without him. We try to "forget what is behind and press toward what is ahead, we forge on....... towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called us to look heavenward....... We must push ahead to take hold of what Christ fought for, to give us." (Philippians 3)

Chynna is mostly on the mend and fever free, but fighting a sore throat still. Her life has resumed and she's back to coaching:) Her first boy's tournament begins Saturday in Anaheim, with promise of a new prospect as a beach coach:) She came face to face with Kerri Walsh in a Hermosa Beach cafe one week ago..... as she interviewed for a position.

Decisions are being made for Austin's future, as we look at colleges for 2015 and a new career choice. He enjoyed visiting with our one neighbor and daughters who are actually friendly; he and his guitar went to visit:) He's been riding bike a distance to catch the bus to Elco which had me concerned for a while, and after too many close calls, we are making other plans:/ New path and plan.

Just like in any race run or goal achieved, there are steps, many steps taken in order to arrive. There are no setbacks.... only setups (KC) to the next thing. My role is to see the steps needed to be taken to get where we are going..........

"Trusting God to make all things clear.......as we live up to what we have already attained." (Chapter 3)

Can I be happy?

Portions of Psalms 23 have come to life for me and even become quite precious in the last 3 years...... it's as if when hearing these poetic words, I feel the restoration meant for my soul....... and I know there are times of refreshing. Today was one such day.

While my family was tested by extraneous circumstances this past week and particularly last night, I often have a knot in my stomach when uncertainties arise. But then, as if to counteract the negative, there is an automatic response I now also have....... there is no flight, ONLY flight in me.....

I did not stare hell down through hardship simply to turn and flee, when the enemy of my soul attempts to do damage to those I love and the communities I care about. Speaking life is now my mission; THAT is the gift SoCal has given me..... and I have paid a price to get here.

I said farewell to my new friends at Prudential CA in Hermosa Beach today, soon to be Berkshire Hathaway Home Services. The name will be changing in a week, as well as the location, and after wrestling with God this Fall, I knew another change was on the horizon for me. I had to face it head first........

After training a new girl to take my hours and position there, I am now super excited to begin the next phase of my personal journey! Through this office, I have met so many interesting people who I now call "friends", to which I will be forever grateful. My manager, Mistydawn, gave me a chance........ and I thank you so much:)

I have been asked by the man closest to me if I can be "happy", to which I have replied in the past, "I don't know when or how...... or if" some days. That has been my honest answer; however, in seeking to follow the perceived will of God for my life, I remain hopeful.

John has been nothing but patient, kind, and supportive..... I am super blessed. The future will flourish and you will be fascinated...........

Goodness and love ARE meant to follow me (and you), and I think I may be finding just that..........

Uncovering hidden treasures.

I imagine Paul, the Apostle, was quite a charismatic man and persuasive for sure. We know that early in his life he was passionate and misguided, and as a result, many paid for his "mistakes." Lives of good men were lost.... taken, really. There was heartache and pain, which had to leave many good people asking the question, "why."

It was during a certain season in his life, however, that he had an encounter on a road called Damascus. The time came when God in heaven decidedhe could not let Saul (later Paul) continue on as he had been. The thing he had found fulfillment in for many years was now being challenged........

I think much of life can be lived in such a way where we can go on and do the same thing daily, unless challenged to change.... something, even just one thing. I find I have fewer and fewer excuses since my loss...... most times the control is in my hands, but the will to follow through is weak.......

We can be on the worst path possible but refuse to change a thing because of ignorance or obstinance. I have seen the paths to self destruction, or deception, all too clearly, as many make themselves vulnerable and open up to me. "Life can be lived either way, but for me, I'd rather try and fail, than never try at all." (source unknown)

Our local HS closes down for the Jewish holiday, so Logan has off the next few days. Beach practice continues, with a chance to lift at The Yard in Hermosa Beach, where famous athletes train. Austin's fighting a cold but was able to turn on his charm and got hired for a second job today! Another job serving at a local restaurant:)

Chynna has plans to expand her "business" in the coming days, so more details to come. And Jordan is once again "house hunting" or looking to sublet a room which is getting a bit old now. Housing and real estate really sucks here, in spite of what you may hear. Great for profiteers, bad for common people..........

And for me, "my purpose is that you are encouraged in heart, united in love, so that you may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order to know the mystery of God.... in whom are hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge......" Colossian 2:2

I am making this my growing mission. Imagine the possibilities....... watch for more of my blog, coming soon.....

Laughter.

Since coming to L.A., we've had the pleasure of welcoming 3 friends from back home here to visit; Jordan's greeted a few in San Fran as well. Honestly, it's always such a pleasure to have anyone from back home stop by, much more special than we could imagine. This week brings us Janelle Turner!

Chynna met her at the airport, and we all met for lunch at Joe's, using Austin's 50% off employee discount yet again:) From there, Hermosa Beach for the afternoon and catching up on life back home and here.

Our PA home always was a welcoming one and we miss hosting friends and family:/ Tonight, Janelle shared in our very humble means here, gathering around our cardboard box, coffee table for dinner. A very special treat for us:)

At my age, most people want to enjoy what they've worked for; I haven't had that luxury yet, and it's easy to complain about........ particularly when most everything I held dear, I left behind.... except for one another. It sounds very altruistic but is just the choice I've made for now.

Our time with Jordan is always fun, and they're all getting to know John a lot better. Dating anyone other than their dad was a tough transition, for some of the kids more than others. I will discuss this more in the days ahead.......

It's been good to hear laughter in the apartment, when East Coast roots meet the West Coast lifestyle. In between those times, it's nose to the grindstone, feed to the fire....... and full steam ahead.

Sincere love to all

Vision.

Whether on the East or West coast, there are core elements found in cultures. No matter what direction we come from, the potential to share common experiences is a beautiful thing that brings hope and healing.

While I continue to help those closest develop a path and plan for the future, I find grief to be an underlying element that eventually surfaces. It remains in the shadows, hoping not to be found, wreaking havoc in subtle ways and preventing delays in life. The emotions associated with loss haunt and keep healing from coming. Before you know it, you stop "moving"........

The direction our lives take is up to us.... for now, up to me, until each one does the necessary work to heal. It hits home when I remember my kids do not have their dad to find comfort, support, and strength in. The security and hugs my daughter enjoyed from her dad are no longer available. If I'm not attentive, as a parent, my children can look elsewhere for attention. In many ways, I don't move on, until they do......

I am acquainted with grief and the feelings that come along with it, so I am able to identify the effects of loss, young or old, and the aimlessness it brings. There is often no one to lead one through because most have not been this way before......

But everyday now holds some new secret for me to keep or share, whether mundane or mysterious...... and I curiously anticipate each day.

The Hermosa Beach Community Center displays a verse I live by that says, "where there is no vision, people perish." You must always be willing to see life, and loss, in new ways......

So on days when I fall down, I make myself get back up again and keep working towards our necessities and our dreams.
Goodnight from the Beach Cities.