Renew or regret.

Almost 3.5 years into this journey and I choose not to be defined by my circumstances. I continually challenge myself to climb higher, to reach further than I can see, even if the odds seemed stacked against me. I think anyone can adopt this attitude in order to prevail.........

I meet to many people who choose not to challenge themselves; in the east, we seem to value comfort over courage at times. I think this mentality needs to shift........ For too long, I have seen countless others across the country do great things, but why not us......... collectively.

In the challenge, there is new life. I guess I have thrown caution to the wind quite a few times in the last few years, but it is quite indicative of my former married life. We were the exception in many ways...... and I have not given that up. We pushed each other.... and grew. Life is about growth.

I've determined to prove things to myself that most people may not even try to do, or care to do. As I proceed in my 14 hour renewal course for my PA real estate license, i'm reminded of the challenges ahead of me. However, I have to try it... or live with regret. I cannot live with regret. I know what that looks like......

Bettering myself, my kids lives, or my position in life for the sake of the kingdom of God has always been something on my agenda. I want to succeed to help others because I have been tested. I know that in no matter what position I am in, in life, I will give what I have..... it is not dependent on my "economic outlook," but rather my heart for no regrets.

Austin is hoping for a trip back to the LA area this summer, to visit friends he has made there, providing he has the finances. Things never slow down, lol, even though I get weary. Jordan is working on his income taxes as the deadline is fast approaching. He has been my right hand man on the rentals, along with his brothers. We're looking to move ahead in this area by the end of April........

I will have another home opening up, as the last of challenging tenants has left a premises. Timing. Hoping to fill it quickly with good people in order to move forward in my ever expanding career in the land. I will need to choose an avenue for publishing in the next week as well.

Settling some health insurance issues as two of the kids will have their own policies now, as part of their independence. My brain is still on overload, ha ha, but thankful for good people who help guide us in the right directions. Trusted friends on the east coast:)

In Christ alone, my hope is found..... and in good friends and family:)

Another suddenly has come.

At any given moment in time a suddenly event can change a life. Winning the lottery, losing a life, or living with difficulties each alter how we carry on. Character is tested during the challenges and character is what needs to be witnessed.......

For some, a suddenly is a rare occurrence, if you're able to keep life under control. From the disarray around the world and the distrust in our own country, I would say we are living in a new reality much like my own; one you're never ready for but must adapt too. 
Perhaps we need to get with the times and realize the seasons............

If I believe in my dreams, then loss should not be allowed to take them from me. The suddenly that sent me into a state of grief cannot keep me in a place of death. I want to allow my dreams to grow bigger.... and better than they were before. How to get to the goals is where character and challenges collide.

Some might say if I never went to SoCal, then I would not have quite this quest to reset and readjust in life. It was a cultural experience we were called too, and God only knows the greater reasons as to why. I know you will be hearing some of those reasons in the coming days.........

When the kids and I returned to LA after the holidays at home, it was as if something shifted. After landing on 12/28, Logan and I absolutely knew it was our time to exit two days later. Another suddenly had come upon us...
It was that fast.

Without time for any goodbyes for myself, we boarded a plane and were back in Philly a day and a half later. The season in life had shifted so quickly and I have learned to follow the flow, if at all possible. Most people are not able to do that, nor would they want to,.but I want to be blessed.....

The suddenlies have come for my 3 California kids and Jordan has also announced he will be leaving San Francisco in the coming weeks. Another 2 year period passed. His coming and going is blessed and we look forward to the beginnings of more great things as he follows his adventure forward.......

Sometimes we are too cautious and concerned about making moves that need to happen, or taking chances for fear something will happen. 
Truth is, we only live once on the earth so we might as well make the most of it..... in a meaningful way.

Nite.

Pressure and Perspective.

About this time in January 9 years ago, I delivered a baby who had not survived in utero. In those moments, it was difficult to understand why I would be allowed to suffer so much; there were so many days I wondered why...... 
To think I could now be raising a nine year old son on my own puts a few things into better perspective.

As I drive through the mountains in southeastern PA, the silhouettes of trees and farms with the pink sky behind are quite peaceful. In LA, the mountains were off in the distance. Here, I am on top of a high place......
and want to remain there.

The first part of my plans for returning will begin tomorrow as I find my hideaway and get back to writing. Most of my focus in LA was consumed by troubles..... which taught me a lot. Now to make the most of what I learned.

My California kids also continue to learn life lessons as they make their way on their own, but with my support. Austin is working a regular, steady job, paying down student loans, and contributing to the household. My daughter is readying herself to test for her personal training certification:)

Whether right or wrong, our kids have taken out student loans to pay for college, and hope for scholarship help or aid. We could see a time coming when we'd be able to help more, but those times changed dramatically. There has to be a new way, if the former has passed away.........

This type of pressure weighs on me if I allow it, usually rooted in fears, even when based in my "reality." Truth is, I think the fears come when I live in reality for too long...... and stop believing in dreams.

Nerf battles are becoming an everyday event as Logan takes the lead initiating the games with his cousins.... and Uncle Mike:) Our house is perfect with all its levels and stairways. I bet Doug never imagined such warfare would be taking place in this house....... they have a blast:D

It's getting late and I have conference calls with the kids coming up. Logan's hoping for a two hour delay for Tuesday, his first day back 

Goodnight all.

Stay.

The beautiful thing with life is the gift of choice, in most things. I say this a bit "tongue in cheek", knowing the trials and tests I have walked through. But I believe with all sincerity. I have a choice to give or to take.

During this time of returning to our home for the holiday, I felt the positive effects of the choices I have been making....... and it was good. Even though daily I am challenged in areas that may lead to more change, I trust my vulnerability will lead me to victory........

While home, Logan was the lightest I have seen him in months; competition in every area in life in LA makes one very weary. And I do mean every area........ Good friends bring out the best in each other.... and want the best FOR one another.

Austin felt refreshed as well in his short time home; I can see what makes him thrive. On the way to Philly airport, he received a call with a job offer starting Tuesday:) He also has another interview set up for Monday at another local eatery. Making a move creates motion in life............

We get to have Jordan here another night as his flight back to SFO was delayed for more than 3 hours due to "high winds." I think something was telling him to "stay......" and will work for the best:) He'll be here until the 1st of December.......

As for me, I had several appointments to take care of, as well as business to do while home. Doing what is best for my family and myself is my utmost priority. I know I am ready to be "happy." I have quite a bit of thinking to do, as I face the potential of two choices to make, two paths to take that will affect all of us............

"Signal Fire" by Snow Patrol.

Laughter.

Since coming to L.A., we've had the pleasure of welcoming 3 friends from back home here to visit; Jordan's greeted a few in San Fran as well. Honestly, it's always such a pleasure to have anyone from back home stop by, much more special than we could imagine. This week brings us Janelle Turner!

Chynna met her at the airport, and we all met for lunch at Joe's, using Austin's 50% off employee discount yet again:) From there, Hermosa Beach for the afternoon and catching up on life back home and here.

Our PA home always was a welcoming one and we miss hosting friends and family:/ Tonight, Janelle shared in our very humble means here, gathering around our cardboard box, coffee table for dinner. A very special treat for us:)

At my age, most people want to enjoy what they've worked for; I haven't had that luxury yet, and it's easy to complain about........ particularly when most everything I held dear, I left behind.... except for one another. It sounds very altruistic but is just the choice I've made for now.

Our time with Jordan is always fun, and they're all getting to know John a lot better. Dating anyone other than their dad was a tough transition, for some of the kids more than others. I will discuss this more in the days ahead.......

It's been good to hear laughter in the apartment, when East Coast roots meet the West Coast lifestyle. In between those times, it's nose to the grindstone, feed to the fire....... and full steam ahead.

Sincere love to all