About this time in January 9 years ago, I delivered a baby who had not survived in utero. In those moments, it was difficult to understand why I would be allowed to suffer so much; there were so many days I wondered why......
To think I could now be raising a nine year old son on my own puts a few things into better perspective.

As I drive through the mountains in southeastern PA, the silhouettes of trees and farms with the pink sky behind are quite peaceful. In LA, the mountains were off in the distance. Here, I am on top of a high place......
and want to remain there.

The first part of my plans for returning will begin tomorrow as I find my hideaway and get back to writing. Most of my focus in LA was consumed by troubles..... which taught me a lot. Now to make the most of what I learned.

My California kids also continue to learn life lessons as they make their way on their own, but with my support. Austin is working a regular, steady job, paying down student loans, and contributing to the household. My daughter is readying herself to test for her personal training certification:)

Whether right or wrong, our kids have taken out student loans to pay for college, and hope for scholarship help or aid. We could see a time coming when we'd be able to help more, but those times changed dramatically. There has to be a new way, if the former has passed away.........

This type of pressure weighs on me if I allow it, usually rooted in fears, even when based in my "reality." Truth is, I think the fears come when I live in reality for too long...... and stop believing in dreams.

Nerf battles are becoming an everyday event as Logan takes the lead initiating the games with his cousins.... and Uncle Mike:) Our house is perfect with all its levels and stairways. I bet Doug never imagined such warfare would be taking place in this house....... they have a blast:D

It's getting late and I have conference calls with the kids coming up. Logan's hoping for a two hour delay for Tuesday, his first day back

Goodnight all.