Exponential love.

In a land where the rate of separation and divorce is some of the highest in our nation, over 50%, and relationships are trivialized, I will share with you cherished thoughts from a very close friend. It is poetic and prophetic (future oriented) in nature.

"People don't love with their whole hearts.... it's like they don't know how. They don't know what real love is. What true love is.... True love is showing love to everyone you meet. That is love. It is spilling over to every person you meet so that they can feel love in you. It is being love for someone. It is epitomizing love because love is at your core. That is what Jesus did and is a glimpse of what we are to become........"

 

Separation is sweet sorrow.

If a separation from a partner occurs, whether in love, loss, or life, there is an automatic emptiness. The one who occupied the place of existence is no longer present, and there are countless things to walk through.... and work through. Both require motion at a time when it's easiest not to "move."

These few years after losing my partner have flown by and as it turns out, I'm managing far more separated than I did together. I often waited on him for answers, decisions, and actions. It now is all mine to tackle. Knowing who to go to for help, and better yet, getting a good response has allowed me to grow immensely.

Many years ago I joked that I would one day manage a "growing empire," and most days, if feels as if I'm being groomed........

We continue to evaluate my 19 year old's choices for his future, as he's at a crucial age in decision making and debt. As a single mom, I am the co-signer on college loans and so, every decision becomes an important one. It has to be thought out, well planned, and properly executed. 
As frustrating as it can be, I remain committed to helping him find his way through and into a prosperous future.

In the next few months, my daughter's student loans are going into repayment which requires us to be ahead of the game yet again. Plans need to be made and budgets taken into consideration. I have spent more time on the Sallie Mae website and consulting a financial friend the last few weeks than in the past few years...... I am forcing myself to understand the whole process..... even though I could shut down my brain.

Tonight Logan and I spoke with a recruiting company in which we can put valuable tools in place for him to be found and considered as a student/athlete. I saw new life in him, hope for the hard work he's put in many years. I am again, committed to his process in every way; I can't afford to be tired................

While I share with you the "realities" regularly faced, I also testify to the goodness of the God I believe in Him. Days when I feel I can't read another paper or answer another email, I somehow find the strength and determination to do so.

The tough times, dry days, and weeks you may spend wondering what "life" is all about...... you should know that if your heart is willing, He will use everything in your present to prepare you for your future....... it is an amazing sight to behold as His glorious plans continue to unfold........

Sweet dreams to all.

Takeoff.

After a long day of work and busyness this evening, I am almost finished packing my things to fly out Weds 

I was so tempted to cancel my fitness class tonight because I am swamped, but chose to keep the commitment. I've always given myself an out because my life was about everyone and everything else.I'm learning that I don't want to let myself down.... a huge shift in my thinking...... about myself.

A close friend assumed that I'm "happy" with my life now, who wouldn't be. Single in SoCal, working out and writing, and the list went on. After I explained these things don't make me "happy" but are a necessary path for our. He understood. Everything I'm doing is about continued survival..... the ability to recover makes the difference in your destiny.

When asked what would make me happy, I paused and said, "freedom." I want the freedom to do what I need and want to do, without deadlines, delays, and death dictating my life. It's that simple and I will do what it takes to get it.......... and then I will share it.

I heard this morning that L.A. has not had a drought of the magnitude felt here since 1877. This came several years after the Gold Rush, where "gold diggers" ravaged the land for their own personal gain. Somehow I think the effects are still being felt........

While I tend to worry and wonder how unexpected bills will be paid for, in 3 days time, I was suddenly able to sell a large item used for our remodeling business in PA. Suddenly, my faith was rewarded and I intend to spread it around..... and give some back.... to the land.

I'm going to hit the ground running as I make my landing on the East Coast, so get ready!

Goodnight California and Hello Pennsylvania.

The Core.

Logan has safely landed in Philly and is back in his home, one that he truly treasures. He's already enjoying the great baking of his Aunt Teresa and fun times with family! I imagine they will hear of his depravity here in regards to food, cooking and the lack of "comforts."

Most everyone has this perception of the "Great L.A." and the surrounding areas. It is actually a very dirty place that many locals avoid, in spite of the the glorious lifestyle portrayed. There is a deceptive perception of this town..... it is nothing but emptiness. .

The dating scene proves to be similar. Immaturity and insolence abound but you cannot tell from one's appearance. "Friends with benefits" is an accurate statement, depicting offers my daughter and I have encountered. It is a very accepted practice and this lifestyle, oddly normalized.

My daughter received her diploma this week from Kutztown University in Pennsylvania, with very impressive accolades and achievements. She's been told she's "changing the culture" of the beach cities. Volleyball may have brought us here, but if our sacrifice does not benefit the futures of many, it will be futile.........

During my fitness class last night, I wondered if I could push myself more and I determined yes, I must. For the next 8 weeks, I am very focused on building my "core." I have handled such crap; I can only become even stronger. Going home will be the inspiration I need.

Logan and I plan to be at Sportsfest all day Saturday, so hope to see many friends there! As my plans are firmed, I will update on FB:) Please make sure to see me and connect if possible. This trip will shake a few things up.....

"Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be." 
Job 8:7

— with Chynna Sky.

 

Bro-Am.

After a bit of chaos this morning, all 3 boys headed to San Diego. The bros were at the Bro-Am!

It was some much needed bonding time together....... without me around:)

Logan's stayed around the beach cities so this was very good change of pace for him. Austin was excited to fulfill a dream...... and Jordan added the male influence needed and the extra fun to it all.

One of the few songs the band played was "Where I Belong," the song near and dear to our hearts...., which speaks of hope beyond our tears.

They also enjoyed dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, courtesy of Austin's employee discount:) it doesn't get much better.....

Chynna and I had a little girl time, and I witnessed my first wedding on the beach.

A wonderful day..... and night.

 

Light.

Perhaps I've given you cause for concern, as I dig into the emotions of the "moves" we make but I am an inquisitive type. I will always search to find answers to my questions...... but I'm feeling a little bit like King Solomon at the moment.

I read how this man of great wisdom and knowledge was perplexed at the pleasures, toils, and pains in life. He speaks of times and seasons, activities and experiences, and came to no real conclusion. In the end, much of life was "meaningless."

Following his observations, however, he went on to write the Song of Songs... one of the most beautiful, "love" chapters written. Perhaps his observations helped him discover the real meaning in life. To love and be loved..... wholly, fully, and passionately. If I'm honest, that's what I want from my second chance......

My second fitness class was tonight, working on my core and strength. This parallels my life at the moment. I've determined to push myself as hard as I can go, which is up to each individual in the class. Again, such is life. I'm determined to see a difference in this 9 week period, taking me to the end of summer......

Being transparent is a choice I make. It means I "have thoughts, feelings, or motives that are easily perceived and unmistakable." Transparency "allows light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen," making meanings clearer. Many seek, few find. We crave it, yet negate it.

"Let there be Light."

Offerings.

With June being known for its weddings and graduations, one thing is certain.... these are beginnings and celebrations....... never knowing what life holds or where it will take you. You are free to dream......

It is quite amazing if you have someone in your life, whether friends, family or one you're fond of, who makes you feel special. Being 3000 miles away from ours, reminds me of how precious it is to make those connections and keep them strong......

In this new locale and lifestyle, I am far more aware of how lofty love is and how lucky one is to find the real thing. As for my young ones, they've got a few stories on fun, friends, and "flakes." The futility is staggering. Most keep things on the surface and that's as close as you'll get.

The search for substance continues........

NBA Finals began tonight and so in keeping with my tradition, I tuned in to see the Spurs and the Heat play Game 1! My love of the game stems back to Logan's birth and late night feedings:) In the next few days, we celebrate Logan and Chynna's will follow.

I've made a tough decision in the last two weeks, based on smart business rather than guilt ridden emotions of loyalty. I can tell I'm moving beyond some old ways.....
Getting in place one of the last pieces, I think, relating to insurance coverage I've been forced to make. Out with the old, in with the new, in yet another way.

As I continue to be squeezed and pressed on many sides, I hope it's only serving to produce some good, sweet "wine"...... saving the best for last:)

Life is poured out as an offering....... (the Apostle Paul)