Connections.

Here I am, almost 3 years into this journey of loss in my life, and I am constantly learning.... about myself and my capabilities. There was a time not so long ago, I wondered what my talents were, and if I had any........ my husband seemed to have every single one.

I knew I was a great VB player;) but beyond that, I couldn't see much else, so I dedicated myself to the sport. Along came my babies and I enjoyed every minute of that time, for the most part, lol:) The roles I played seem to define me, even when I wrestled internally. Some I embraced, while in others, I evolved.

Had I decided at any moment to accept the role I played, without feeling like life had any more of a future to offer me, I would be in serious trouble right now. Never stop dreaming, expecting and believing you are equipped to do what you are purposed and being prepared to do....... life is just beginning at any moment......

I am seriously wondering what property management and real estate has to offer me, as my venture in this area continues to grow. I have great tenants because I foster relationships; connections mean something to me. I find most do not want to leave...... and I used to think it was because of my late husband, but now...... it's actually all me.

I've had some plumbing issues at one property that has been a hassle; an underground water line needed to be replaced and there's more to do. PA panic is what I call it, while LA is laid back; I'm finding a balance:) With good counsel and help from my family, I am figuring out how to handle issues that come up. My side of the family has been taxed by helping me.

When plumbing needs to be replaced, I know that God is giving me a message:) This time it relates to "connections," "fittings", and finding a good "flow." There's always work to maintain something that hasn't been updated in many years, but when it goes bad, it's crisis mode. Crisis is the worst to be in. I have found no one thinks straight, without the spirit of God.......... and even then it's questionable.

I'm finding people connect and respond to integrity, honesty, and understanding. Somehow I want to continue to give it out, even if I'm not getting it in L.A. County. This online community is one that will continue to expand, grow and keep connections strong.

Whoever wants a "home" will find it with me, with us.............

Bro-Am.

After a bit of chaos this morning, all 3 boys headed to San Diego. The bros were at the Bro-Am!

It was some much needed bonding time together....... without me around:)

Logan's stayed around the beach cities so this was very good change of pace for him. Austin was excited to fulfill a dream...... and Jordan added the male influence needed and the extra fun to it all.

One of the few songs the band played was "Where I Belong," the song near and dear to our hearts...., which speaks of hope beyond our tears.

They also enjoyed dinner at Joe's Crab Shack, courtesy of Austin's employee discount:) it doesn't get much better.....

Chynna and I had a little girl time, and I witnessed my first wedding on the beach.

A wonderful day..... and night.

 

Home.

 I finally got to talk to my daughter, who's in our hometown in PA, for two weeks. She is ever inspiring and appreciative, even more so since leaving our home to pursue our purpose. For each of us, it has brought an even greater focus on what is important in life.

I want those with ears to hear me to know how VERY MUCH we love each of you, those who have followed along with us on this incredible journey. You truly are the reason we are here and able to be ourselves in SoCal, in this incredibly vain society of "superficial personalities." You keep us real.......

To always know we have a "home" to go back to has empowered us to be who we are and effect change, and influence people. Our roots give us the support and stability to come to a place of knowing no one, and feeling broken at times, only to dig in deeper and see further. Her trip home has served to re-energize and reinvigorate........

As we continue to search for what is real as we find the fakes and flakes, we see meaningful relationships are being established. We are spreading our roots, not in the ground, but in the air, in the heavens, where they belong...... that's where our connections are.

In updating my home address today, I discovered my car insurance and renter's insurance policies will increase monthly by a total of $70. You know, I finally thought I had gotten this budget stuff settled. Ugh. I resist the urge to complain.

Moses of the Bible was an ordinary man called to lead an exodus of people into their promise. At various points along the way, they lost sight of why they had left and where they were going. They struggled, leading to contention amongst each other. In times of loss, it's easiest to turn on those you love and have your best interest in mind........... I would know.

They got too tired, life seemed so hard, they wondered when it would get easier. Moses was instructed to "strike a rock" in order to find a resource; sounds insane. His persistence paid off as water came gushing out from an unlikely source. His obedience released this resource......

I'm determined to not be defined by my "struggles" but rather, make them work for me. I am not giving up; neither am I deterred.

Striking my "rock."

Integrity.

I've been through a lot of things in my lifetime which seek to define my family with desolation. Losses of all kinds have touched our lives and with each one, I can feel a piece of me being taken. I can allow my life to be defined by struggles or fight daily to retain my "integrity", meaning the state of being whole." A beautiful thing.....

Daily, compromise comes and challenges integrity because the enemy of my soul knows that if I remain sound, success and prosperity come. As I get it, I will give it away. Be looking for more insight on my blog athttp://www.houseofsecretsblog.com and search Jacob's Well. I am breaking through the boundaries......

I fell into bed every night lately, exhausted in some ways, energized in others. This summer season that I've set aside has been enlightening for me. I am learning to say and do what's best for me..... finally.

Logan has a minor ankle sprain with little swelling, but he's better today. No worries. His club team has struggled the second half of the club season for a few reasons. The things that could break him have served to make him stronger; he is better, faster, stronger than ever before.

In SoCal there are consistent high level skills demonstrated, but it takes a certain something to obtain a win. Mental strength; it is the one thing that can distinguish a player from another. Not everyone has it and it can't be manufactured, just like in life...... it is the element that can produce a win.

Heard from Chynna back East and post Rumble:) What a great weekend! Divine connections made, again bridging the east and west gap, which tells me she needed to be there. I'll share when I can. It is mind blowing. VB is community...... and growing.

Jordan's on his way to SF, leaving beautiful Vancouver behind. He survived his first Tough mudder:) His dad would be impressed, and probably think he could also tackle it himself! He went with guys from his company and the trip expense was all covered, as a health/fitness benefit.

I honestly don't have the money for the kids to travel back home this summer and neither do they, nor to do all that it appears we've done. I do it in faith, if I feel it's the right thing to do and trust my needs will be met. I also keep "giving."

We didn't come west because I had the money in the bank to do it or money from a life insurance payout...... far from it. We came out of obedience and a greater calling.......

If you hear a call, answer it. Do it. You won't regret it. It could be the adventure of a lifetime.

"Screen." Twenty One Pilots

Death.

So much has transpired here in less than a week's time, which has become my "norm"; I somehow have an altered sense of time since my "change of life" 2 1/2 years ago. My awareness is heightened, as to life alterations and lost relationships; I don't think I like it.

I sometimes feel my whole sense of time isn't calculated by earthly measurements anymore, but is counted with eternal applications. Kind of like being in fast forward. I don't want to miss out on anything; I'm notalways patient. I assume others want the same, but they may not see what I see.....

It seems in general, the Cali culture places emphasis on "enjoying life" and all things associated with that lifestyle. Generally speaking, many of the stereotypes ring true. Paying a fortune for real estate that is not worth the value placed on it is fascinating. The aspect of "work" is completely different than back East, in our experience.

Having finished his first year at Redondo Union, we're so glad Logan worked hard and finished strong:) Much of his time is accounted for this summer, but he needs to find a job. Probably not landscaping or mowing lawns like back home because those jobs would not go to him......

We have been working furiously, packing and moving, since finding a 2 BR, 2 Bath apartment in Redondo Beach. The favor of the Lord was upon us, as everything came together at a perfect time, location, and owners. This place is a 4 unit, family owned building that we think already feels more like home than our current apt. Now, with God's grace, I deal with my manager in the moving process..... 

I signed a lease for another year on Weds.night and we carried our first load in:) Tomorrow movers come to the few bigger items over. Everything is boxed and ready. This place is closer to the beach for biking, and Logan's school. A local dog park and nursery is nearby. God is good. Thank you for prayers. We couldn't be more ready for another fresh start.

Tonight I spent time in Palos Verdes, at my favorite protected space, where I go to sit in the quiet and listen to what the Lord says to my heart. I have set aside the summer for some personal goals, guidance, and growth. Tis my season.....

Even if the separation from your loved one was expected or totally unplanned, you are left to find out who you are without the light of their love in your life......

"For those living in the land of the shadow of death (darkness)..... a light has dawned."

Happies.

As Logan, Chynna and I drove cross country in our Toyota Corolla almost ten months ago, there was a song that somehow moved to the top of our playlist. " The song is called "The Pursuit of Happiness"...........

I think of happiness tonight after a day spent at a beach nearby, watching the water. Seeing five dolphins swimming with the waves was something I had never seen before. There have been many new experiences in my life, some really good, and others very hard.

Loss has precipitated my growth and the kids, in leaps and bounds; in part, because of purpose, and the rest is intention. I choose to take the good from the bad, and glean so I can gain........

By exposing myself and the kids to a new lifestyle, we learn even more what to appreciate, and what is worth the work.

Logan was able to join Team Rockstar and attend the USA v. Russia VB game at CSLB in the pyramid. To see players like Clay Stanley and Reid Priddy among the crowd was really cool, as well as hang with high caliber coaches. His club director Matt Fuerbringer is an assistant coach to the team.

Living here, it's commonplace to attend activities like this. For us, it is absolutely amazing, but we've learned not to take things for granted. There is always something to do or some place to go. We still pick and choose what is possible for financial reasons, but so thankful when it's affordable.

We celebrate Logan's birthday tomorrow with a club tournament at ASC, where my two are also reffing. Jordan continues his path, now in a new place in the Bernal Heights area of SF. He has learned to travel lightly, live simply, but is now ready to feel "settled," in a good way:)

From an outside perspective it may look as if good things simply come and we're prospering in this new place; however, it's taken a strong mental game to start over. I thought I knew what it was to be happy..........

"The attitude of a champion, the heart of an athlete, and the mind of the winner is all that is necessary for success....." Logan Gehman

 

Preparation.

Coming to California was by far one of the hardest things we've ever done. In so many ways, we've come so far.... in other ways, we have a long way to go. With the right elements coming together at the right time and season, "magic" can happen..... for anyone.

Sometimes you know you need a change in life but you just don't know what to do.... I always say you have to do something. Nothing will change if I don't change. I don't expect people around me to do what only I can. I will always be disappointed if my faith lies in another person.

June began in a big way and only two days in. Lots of plans to expand going into summer. I will be adding more content to my posts at houseofsecretsblog.com, as well as finishing the first draft of a book I'm working on. 
Be passionate about your purpose; persuaded beyond the preparation it takes to get further. In just one day, everything can change.

Tonight we celebrated Logan's first season as a Redondo Seahawk, in a crowded room at H.T. Grill in Redondo Beach. I think our teams have the best looking group of guys, as well as great looking coaches:) This has "never ever happened before" was a phrase coined this evening.

Our decisions felt affirmed tonight, as he earned his first Varsity letter in the west, along with his Scholar Athlete Award. His time will come in a big way going forward; hard work does eventually pay off. We're very thankful for what lies ahead, rather than being passionate about the past.

Lord willing.....

http://photos.dailybreeze.com/2014/05/photos-redondo-volleyball-logan-gehman/

Touch.

After a fun filled weekend, Jordan makes his way back to his home in SF. He spent time between our apartment and Chynna's place, on the beach, playing sports, and hanging out. I took pleasure in cooking a bit more while he was here too:) I think we make each other better......

On this Memorial Day, we remember the wounded, the warriors and those whose sacrifice seems to go unnoticed...... They are living all around us and often feel forgotten because few fully understand, or even try to........ or even care. As long as our "good life" goes untouched, why get involved.

Unless touched or impacted by something significant, the vain and meaningless things of this world take all our attention. There's nothing new under the sun, wise King Solomon said so long ago. Nothing's changed except the choices we make.... the priorities we pursue.

Most everything in our culture has become about self, thus making the sacrifices of a few good men and women, all the more outstanding. This knowledge drives my ambitions.....

As the paths we pursue become even more clear, one thing remains true: this is not about me. This is far more than I could imagine.

"I pray the eyes of your heart be enlightened...." to see beyond oneself and onto another.

Goodnight.

Glory days.

Not a day goes by when we don't think about home, the past and the way things used to be. Logan remembers how his dad would take early weekend mornings to clean the pool, giving him all the more reason to get out early on the ATV and ride through the yard. Nothing can replace what's been lost..... except our will to move on.

To quote the words of my youngest who says, "there's no going back; we can thrive now or lose it all and long for the past." As time passes, there comes a glorification of it, and a natural tendency to forget the difficulties. Plus they were kids with few cares. Now they know better....

With the addition of my 19 year old here, comes the need to work through more issues of grief. There are stages and phases, and with five of us in a family, it seems there is usually someone to speak life into..... they could so easily become part of this LOST generation and why I have such a passion to reach the young.......

Psalms 23 speaks to so much we face in life, no matter the spectrum or scope. Troubles settle in the soul, the seat of our emotions, the container for our feelings. It needs continual restoration because we experience hurt regularly. If I don't, it's because my heart is hardened or I'm protecting it. I especially need it now......

I'm ready to move on.... and bring others with me in the process. This is unlike anything we've ever seen before. Pioneering a movement

Strength.

Our Sundays are nothing like they were so many years ago, which was based more on routine than relevance. My late husband always wrestled with religion; he found a bit of breakthrough but never enough. We kept pushing him......

As the culture is being transformed, principles don't have to be abandoned. In this new place we're in, compromise always awaits. We remind ourselves regularly of what we are grounded in; if we don't, no one will. I'm taking a few verses from the Book of Hebrews and making them personal tonight:

"I won't throw away my confidence (freedom to speak); it will be richly rewarded. I need to persevere so that when I have done the will of God, I WILL receive what he has promised. No pleasure is taken in the one who shrinks back.
But WE do not belong to those who shrink back (withdraw) and are destroyed....."

There has been quite a bit happening in the last few months that could cause me to pull back and seek cover. But I am challenging my faith to grow even more because I need it too, to get to the next level in my life. This is very real......

The end to Transition Week for USA VB; Logan connected with a new friend from VA on the sand courts. He's moving here in a year and very familiar with East Coast VB:) Everyday there are new connections in Cali; it's fascinating.

Can't wait to see Jordan in SoCal this coming weekend; It's been 5 long months since his last visit.

Our needs are very real; our hopes very high. Perhaps my inability to gauge my emotions are a gift in disguise, so I don't give up......