All in.

When recovering from a loss in life, it is so very natural to link anything else that feels like a loss to that former suffering. Even if one has moved on, that pain can linger, hidden deep within the seat of our souls. The only way I have found to find freedom from it, is to allow it to be exposed........

That kind of exposure is super uncomfortable, mostly because we are afraid we will find we have to make a change. That pain can become all too familiar; it becomes easier to nurture our wounds and tell ourselves lies, so as to not deal with reality. Sometimes a big dose of reality is what is absolutely needed to shake us beyond our suffering..........

My time today was very cathartic, as I hung out in my home, waiting for an appliance delivery. It gave me a chance to begin to change things up inside, pulling out decor that had been stored and take stock of what is left. I moved around furniture on my own and it was fun;)

The kids and I have a lot of plans to open up our home once again to family and friends....... and we will plan accordingly. Living in L.A. showed all of us what we need, want, and are responsible for. We have learned to live with little or much. Either way, life is about more than just "me....."

When given much or given little, it's all in the way it's handled and it is all in our hands. I will be expanding on these thoughts and more in the coming days on my newly revamped blog, almost ready to be released!

Jordan will be working remotely for his current company BAM, out of SF, when he returns to the east. He will now be "freelancing" officially, with a contract worked out with them. It is a blessing for him to return with this piece in place:) And it's only the beginning........

Logan and I again worked together to get the new dryer hooked up because the delivery guy failed to do so. Who knew the first time I would need to put a clamp thingy on to seal the dryer vent, it would be in my 40's and with Log's help?! 
We later searched through our basement shelves for supplies to work at a rental I have opening shortly. I plan to be there on my own this week to get started on the project, with Logan helping when he can. Talk about a new adventure....... Lord help us.

When I make a move based out of my "faith", if I have any doubts about it, the purpose of the plan is doomed. I have to be fully persuaded which is the meaning behind the word "faith." Fully convinced. If not, I leave myself wide open, and my wounds totally unable to heal.........

I am all in.

Dreams do not die.

I had to remind myself today that after our loss, I kept saying "things will settle down." My life, schedule, and activity level picked up at a rapid pace and I honestly thought it was only a matter of time til there was calm. I was wrong because I compared my present to the past and it does not fit.

This new pace would prepare me for the future because there was no way I could move at the pace of the past in the present, but expect to be positioned for my future.......... I have learned a key lesson as it relates to the subject of loss........

Upon returning to Pennsylvania, where there is a misconception of having a "slow paced life", I have set new things in motion. Having been coast to coast, I now know for sure we have the kind of life we create. If you can dream it, you should dare to do it.

As I worked at painting my property and cleaning up for five hours today, and have done this many years prior, it felt like a brand new time and season in my life..... FREEDOM 2015. I will not be a slave to the work any longer, but will make it work for me. I have changed.

I returned home with far more ideas than I left with; my creativity has been multiplied in California, as a result of self reliance and making myself put my faith into action. Challenging yourself to do something new can be invigorating and inspiring, even if done through fear and trembling.......

After the steadfast encouragement from my kids and signs abounding around me, I am taking steps to pursue my real estate career. I thought that idea was dead and buried, but it seems it is being resurrected. I am finding other old ideas, creations, and plans are coming back to life. Perhaps our dreams did not die....... but were simply dormant until NOW.

The financial challenges always face me, particularly as I hear of retirement and vacation plans being formed. I am rebuilding. I am restarting. I am refreshed. I am a work of restoration.......

"He who began a good work in me WILL complete it......."

By faith.

Contrary to belief and what you may be seeing, life here can be light hearted. Sometimes we think we have to go elsewhere to escape the mundane, when goodness is right in our midst...... if we can only find a way to build something, more than what we know.........

I began to contemplate a return home months and months ago, and determined to take the steps necessary in that direction. We learned early on the west was a transitory time; for how majestic the mountains are, the mundane is there as well. The movement has to come from within us......

Over the course of this almost two year period of time, I began to see the toll this transition had taken on all of us. It was in June of 2014 I began to contemplate our "exodus". Whenever you feel enslaved to a system or society, God will always be a way of escape......

This would take every ounce of courage I could muster again, as well as my kids. There's a certain pride that comes with being called a "Californian." We had a choice to make. Follow our further calling or protect the pride associated with the statehood.

I believe I will return to the land one day, for a mission, promise and purpose. It's a great place to visit and I'm thankful to hear the kids are doing okay on their own. For now, my path is being laid out for me to follow as a result of obedience. My late husband helped us learn this "by faith" concept.........

We continue in the recruiting process for Logan and college, as he's in his junior year and plans to play volleyball in college. Lately, my nights have consisted of late night coast to coast calls for business, the blog, and for fun just before midnight. It feels longer than 4 weeks that we left them behind...... to obey.

Chynna is receiving lots of affirmation of the job she's doing coaching in Cali. This has been a time of development her knowledge and skills, and reaffirming the call she has on her life.... and there is definitely a difference in the play of the "game."

And who knows where adventure will take us next...........