I continue to be amazed at the phases of grief when one determines to move forward in the process and take the path towards recovery. The "fear of loss" is a powerful pull towards the past, negates the present, and has the potential to destroy the future...........
It is good I am a fighter. "I do not fight a battle I cannot win." (my quote)
Our two year time frame, start to finish in California, helped bring new structure, surroundings, and surreal settings which I feel was a benefit for my kids. I chose to go because I felt called and wanted to support them, believing it was the best thing at the time. I look back in amazement.
The fact that we were preserved, sustained, and matured in such a short amount of time has enabled us to obey the calling of God in greater ways. I have always chosen to be open with my kids, giving a kick or push as needed, while keeping an honest heart. I will follow.............
As the recovery from loss continues, I find myself being asked by the kids for a listening ear and also prayer, as they work through the emotions associated with trauma. On occasion late at night, we have power prayer sessions to release the fears of losing ones they love in this day........
They know the power.
It is very easy to isolate and push away the people we love the most in order to protect ourselves from any more trauma. In order to recover, one must be willing to expose the heart in order to heal. If I cannot take a risk to share my heart with others, I am not on the road to recovery.
Scott has been a beautiful part of taking me from the traumas I have endured in the last four years, and accepting me through it all. It is very easy for a widow in particular to be taken advantage of, and difficult to see it happen sometimes. unsure emoticon
But I believe "all things can work together for good" because of who I love and am choosing to serve. My heart had to first be opened to the God in heaven before I could share it with another or others..............
There is a palpable anticipation in 2016 exuding from our household. It will be contagious and I hope everyone with ears to hear will listen, receive, and believe it is also for YOU! Multiples of blessings are coming because we have fought for them.........
And never gave up.