Suffering in silence.

When my kids were younger it was easier to take care of things for them. I was often exhausted but there seemed less to be concerned about. Life was simpler then, which I would not have believed at the time. We always had so much going on like most families, but fit in the most important stuff.

As they've had to grow up and become responsible more quickly than most, I know so much has been asked of each of them. That's not always the easiest thing for a mother to accept. From the outside, it may seem pretty simple: just work hard. On the inside, it is another story.

I would rather not have them be concerned with the things that concern me, but we are forced into team mode. It is an adjustment on many levels to live life when your dad is not around and do things for yourself, because you have too. There are plays, skills, and training required.

Learning to be part of a team is also an adjustment because it is much easier to be responsible solely for yourself and your own things. Independence is sought after, but this season in life does not lend itself to anything other than depending on each other........... that does get old......

After cleaning my rental and meeting the prospective new tenant, I headed home to begin my own housework this Saturday. Thankfully we had a team effort today, as schedules coordinated and we knocked out another load of stuff to complete as we get the house in order.
And thanks to my neighbor Bill for helping us mow again, saying he doesn't want to "see me suffer", LOL. All he asks for is our friendship........

Jordan was a weedwacking machine and took on my place and Bill's, while Austin works double shifts many days. He seems to have found his "destiny", with sales work calling his name smile emoticon Anyone who knows Austin's personality can see how this could be true grin emoticon

As I receive feedback from my "FB friends" for my posts, I feel as if I am a voice for the multitudes who do desire to be free but are not sure how to find it. I know that I have found a form of it and I'm not going to lose it; L.A. reinforced that for me................

Wishing forms of freedom and happiness to all my female friends this weekend.

Gardens and Growth.

I officially feel like we are turning a corner here in the east, as lawns have been mowed and work is being done in gardens and beds everywhere. It seems as if we pass through some sort of rite of passage after surviving a harsh "season".......

I can feel that way, wondering when life will let up a bit, after putting time, work and effort into the growth process. But there are several elements that work in combination with each other to produce a glorious "garden;" if the positive isn't in place, nothing good will grow.

In my neighborhood, the lawns are cut, flowerbeds trimmed, and yard work gives many a sense of accomplishment. I've learned finally to let it go...... I can only get done what I get done, and handle what I can handle. My lawn is the longest, LOL, and I can't sweat it. That is progress.

Hearing the younger boys say how much they love being home makes me feel good. It is all a miracle anyway, having held onto everything since the passing. At our house, Austin has been the most helpful, as his job and schedule are somewhat flexible week to week. We tackle things in bits and pieces rather than large chunks these days.

One son admitted to me how tough it is to work on the rentals we have because of the reminders of his dad it brings. That leaves me feeling helpless, knowing we have to step up, but also knowing the conflicting emotions it brings. I have had to learn to shut some of that off.......

In any growing relationship however, positive elements need to be introduced if it is going to nurture both parties. If not, we dry up and die. Option two is we hold on until there can be nourishment, enough given to revive a good relationship.

The long distance was very hard on my personal relationship and we did suffer a bit.......... quite a bit.

With the busyness of life, we often feel with relationships that it's time to let go, and it is done very poorly. This creates bad blood, offenses grow, and grudges are nourished rather than growth between two.

It takes time to grow a good garden.......... and knowing the potential bounty - priceless.