When my kids were younger it was easier to take care of things for them. I was often exhausted but there seemed less to be concerned about. Life was simpler then, which I would not have believed at the time. We always had so much going on like most families, but fit in the most important stuff.

As they've had to grow up and become responsible more quickly than most, I know so much has been asked of each of them. That's not always the easiest thing for a mother to accept. From the outside, it may seem pretty simple: just work hard. On the inside, it is another story.

I would rather not have them be concerned with the things that concern me, but we are forced into team mode. It is an adjustment on many levels to live life when your dad is not around and do things for yourself, because you have too. There are plays, skills, and training required.

Learning to be part of a team is also an adjustment because it is much easier to be responsible solely for yourself and your own things. Independence is sought after, but this season in life does not lend itself to anything other than depending on each other........... that does get old......

After cleaning my rental and meeting the prospective new tenant, I headed home to begin my own housework this Saturday. Thankfully we had a team effort today, as schedules coordinated and we knocked out another load of stuff to complete as we get the house in order.
And thanks to my neighbor Bill for helping us mow again, saying he doesn't want to "see me suffer", LOL. All he asks for is our friendship........

Jordan was a weedwacking machine and took on my place and Bill's, while Austin works double shifts many days. He seems to have found his "destiny", with sales work calling his name smile emoticon Anyone who knows Austin's personality can see how this could be true grin emoticon

As I receive feedback from my "FB friends" for my posts, I feel as if I am a voice for the multitudes who do desire to be free but are not sure how to find it. I know that I have found a form of it and I'm not going to lose it; L.A. reinforced that for me................

Wishing forms of freedom and happiness to all my female friends this weekend.

In relationships of all kinds, it takes an ability to adapt, a willingness to understand each other, and a heart very forgiving, to forge ahead. Some are so easily expendable, which I experienced in L.A. And then there are the ones that cannot be explained..........

In the almost two year period I transitioned, many hassles arose in which I had the option of abdicating my position (giving up) or rise to the occasion (finding strength). At times, decisions were made with tears and travail, but I made them because I do not do well in limbo.........

Perhaps the feeling comes from the loss, the limbo between life and death, the knowing and not knowing, it's a place I strongly dislike. For me, it's made me more forthright, fearless, and unafraid to make mistakes. I know time should not be wasted......... there is so much to do..... and be:)

After informing my kids we'll need to buy two beds, we discussed strapping a mattress to the roof of our cars and traveling cross country. That would be an adventure but one of the boys nixed the idea, LOL. The countdown to my L.A. flight is on, as I look forward to reuniting in the west.

Today's snow day was a big benefit for us, as my 17 year old son and I were ripping out carpeting and painting in a rental for five hours. I seriously can't believe what the days consists of, working with our hands......... rather than playing hard.
Tomorrow we're traveling to checkout a few colleges and take in a volleyball game. I'll be navigating New Jersey on my own:/

In addition to reactivating my real estate license, I have the opportunity to work a part time job to bring in a regular income. Rarely can you find a place hiring FT these days, as to avoid paying benefits. I will start working again as soon as I return from L.A. I can never stay still..........

My book is prepared for a publisher. My family is returning. My business is keeping me very busy and will only increase in a good way. Not sure where my personal life is headed, but I am holding onto the promise...... of restoration.

"Your beginnings will seem VERY humble, so prosperous shall your future be." Job 8:7

Reminding myself tonight.