Ready for recovery.

For many years, I found myself hoping I could have a connection with my spouse that I had always longed for....... Losses sustained over the 25 years, even during our process of "building" a life together, can catch up. And they did........ it does take two willing parties to advance.

At times, I still reflect on what we had, what could have been, and where I have gone since those days...... While I do firmly believe each has served its precious purposes, it does not mean there is not a recovery period that takes place..... For some it can take a lifetime; I believe in acceleration.....

When I say I am determined, I mean I am determined. I WILL move through; I will go forward. I will not be stagnant and let life pass me by. I do find that I NEED to be ready for recovery, which can happen at any moment...... b/c sometimes we make it okay for ourselves to just wallow...

Surprisingly, I am finding I have some trust issues I didn't expect to experience...... but I am so blessed to have someone willing to walk with me in facing the fears haunted by loss, "love" that has failed, and what forever means........ I think many at my age will understand my language.

In looking at taking my territory back, I am hoping to find a dining room table prior to the Thanksgiving holiday. We have been using our bar/counter for almost 9 months now and it's not cutting it. 
For me, it will be a very symbolic sign of a fresh start....... with new friends, family, and loves connecting around the table.......

Psalms 5 speaks and is what I hope you feel from my heart tonight ......

"Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."