My strength has been a bonus, having to walk this journey my feet have been placed upon. Holy and sacred, yet hard and sobering at the same time. Being "strong" didn't just happen; it is built, grown, and established by letting the heart of heaven shape me.
I realize the complexities in finding a balance between tenderness and toughness, strength and softness. Trying to strike the chord of harmony between the two has taken me some time, particularly as a widow, which adds another dimension to being a single woman...... Vulnerability.
I feel i am finally moving through the time of feeling taken advantage of.....
It began almost as soon as my husband passed on, but I had a very hard time recognizing the nature of it, as it was unfamiliar to me. However, when I saw this several times over the course of time, I finally took a closer look. Perhaps I did not want to see it:/ How could it happen........
This weekend was a bit weighty for me. I am now all too familiar with wearing the pants in the family, so to speak, doing the "heavy lifting", hard work, and holding things together. Literally moving things, working with Logan on Saturday, when I really just wanted to chill.
I shed a few tears, feeling the desire for male role models in the lives of my boys; like it or not, I feel boys benefit from good men in their lives. Recognizing this does not make me weak, but more aware of the importance of taking an interest in the lives of others in need. #fillthegap
Truth is, anyone in my type of situation, probably knows exactly what I'm talking about. You hope someone or several will step up, and offer to teach or train in areas I obviously know little to nothing about; but quite honestly, this just doesn't happen. People have lives of their own to tend to.
This knowledge hasn't hardened my heart, but drives me to my knees in humbleness towards God, my Father for help.
And He is hearing my prayers.