One of my sons said to me he's surprised I haven't wanted to move back to L.A. because of the hellish year we've experienced. I have to admit he's right; those words have not come out of my mouth, but probably could have considering..........

It has been a full year and I have seen cycles repeat in my life. I am so vigilant in many areas, but for me personally, I have not gotten a grip on a few things I have needed to, relating to those in close proximity to me at times.

Since my 20's when I became a mom, I determined to break patterns I knew were inherited, traits passed down from previous generations I wanted nothing to do with. I did not want my kids to struggle with the things I could not overcome.......

As I walk through recovery with them by my side, I am being challenged by each to make decisions I don't want to do. But because I determine they see me as a conqueror, not a victim, a fighter, not one who fears, I continue to face down what I need to.

I am grateful we put in the time as parents to build our "house" on a faith that is rock solid, and not a religion that would fail us. When we are battered, bruised, and blow up, this "house" does not fall.
We have been close many times, but find a way to stand firm, knowing when to bend...... or the time to be broken.......

And broken is where I find myself this day.

A few months ago, I felt the still, gentle voice of God whisper to me the words, "a short season of sorrow" was coming. I did not want to accept it nor did I receive it. I had hoped I had heard wrong. But it WAS meant for me........

I wanted to go the other way with every fiber of my being, but you see, I am facing it because of the foundation. I know, believe, and trust things will be okay because I am willing to make the sacrifice to break the patterns........

"God is in the midst of her, she will not fall." (Psalms 46)

More to come.